The god of hellfire! Hellfire void where prohibited by law

During testimony today before Congress, Zeus, chief deity on Mount Olympus, denied any responsibility for the change in the Earth’s climate.

“Look” said Zeus when asked about his role as the bearer of thunder, lightning and rains.

Sending down rain is just one of the things I do.  And no, the amount of rain I send down has nothing to do with so-called climate change. I do not change the climate.  I’m a simple deliverer of rain. Water. Every mortal needs it to survive. I, as a god, do not need water. Though I am fond of pizza and meatloaf.

“Do you deny your role in the J6 insurrection” asked Representative Eric Swalwell (D-CA).

Are you opposed to common-sense gun control? Are you in collusion with Donald Trump? Are you a transphobe? These are questions the American people need to know.

“What the hell does this have to do with climate change” asked the exasperated Zeus.

You people are morons. I hardly know Trump. Though I did introduce him to Marla Maples. The only reason I’m here is because of the Congressional subpoena you delivered to Mt. Olympus. That and you threatened me with an EPA lawsuit.  Something about wetlands.  I don’t know. I didn’t understand it. But as a god I need to do my job with as little government red-tape as possible. For the last time I have nothing to do with climate change. I’m a simple omnipotent god trying to keep the other gods on Olympus in line. Do you think I enjoy this job? It barely leaves me time for my blog – zeus in sky.com.  You should all visit it.  I need the hits.

“Your hatred of peoples of color is palpable” said Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY).  “Do you hate me because you know you can never date me?” she asked.

With that Zeus changed his form into a bull and mounted representative Ocasio-Cortez (pictured here from the live C-SPAN feed)

Take it all! You know you want it!

as congress looked on.

After Zeus had finished with his in flagrante delicto with representative Ocasio-Cortez Congress adjourned for the day.

“I haven’t seen anything like that since Fang-Fang” said Representative Swalwell.

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Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News

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Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has announced that she is resigning her seat and moving to Mount Olympus.

“I love Zeus so much. I have to be with him. I don’t care if he’s responsible for climate change” she said.

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