Manhattan Infidel Presents: Your Daily Horoscope! (The Domestic Terrorist Edition)

Please obey The State!








Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I am pleased to present your daily horoscope.  Because, as a respected journalist domestic terrorist I will do anything to bring down The State.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You must not sit still this week, because the FBI thinks you are a domestic terrorist. The more you are out there traveling and mingling with all kinds of people the harder it will be for them to shoot you.  But don’t tell others that the FBI is after you because lets face it people are bastards and they will turn you in for the reward. Come to think of it, I’d turn you in for the reward.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

If you need to boost your earning power now is the time to rat out an Aquarius. I’m sure you know one the FBI is after. You won’t lack for money as this domestic terrorist has a huge reward on his head.  Remember: Take decisive action! Judas would not be remembered today if he had done nothing. He too turned in a domestic terrorist and was well-rewarded by The State.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

If you make a wish over the next few days there is every chance it will come true. With the Sun, Mercury and Jupiter all moving through your sign at the moment you have only to put a name to the domestic terrorist (probably an Aquarius) that you want to turn in and your dreams of financial success will become a reality. Hell, he can even be innocent but the important thing to remember is:  Turn in the Aquarius.  They are all scum.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

It might be a smart move to keep your plans to yourself this week, especially if it involves committing an act of domestic terrorism with an Aquarius. Some of the people you have to deal with seem less than trustworthy. If they think they can get rich at your expense they won’t hesitate to do so. Don’t let that happen. I mean that last thing you want to do is rot in a DC jail without trial for two years while your former friends spend their reward money.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If you play your cards right over the next few days you should be able to maneuver yourself into a position where you are the one who is calling the shots. As opposed to being shot.  Probably by the FBI.  Because you are committing an act of domestic terrorism with an Aquarius or a Taurus.  Stay away from school board meetings! They are hotbeds of dissent.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Employers and other important people (the FBI) will be watching you closely this week, so stay on your toes, do not use your cell phone and make sure you burn the incriminating evidence. Because as a Cancer does The State really need a reason to go after you?  I mean come on.  You’re a Cancer!

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Just do what you have to do and do it well – unless of course it’s making bombs or dissenting from The State.  You know no one likes Leos so you already have a target on your back.  Lie low.  Let the Aquarius and Taurus take the heat. In fact turn them in.  No one will suspect you are really an FBI confidential informer.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

If your sixth sense tells you that something is a bit off you must take it seriously. People will be prodding at your mind to find out what is really going on and most likely they are FBI informers. Go to a safe house until the Aquarius and Taurus get arrested, then flee.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The more you strive to get along with others the more you will realize it’s not worth it and they are all a–holes. And probably FBI agents trying to entrap you.  Shoot them before they have that chance.  Just make sure no one sees you burying them in your backyard.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You need to think seriously about using your garage to hide the bodies.  Just tell the neighbors you are pouring a fresh load of concrete because you are renovating your house.  Hell, even throw in a new HVAC system to complete the ruse.  The FBI are incompetent and they will never figure it out. Just don’t do something stupid like vote Republican or tell people you believe in the Constitution.  The FBI may be incompetent but they are not fools. 

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) 

Cosmic activity in the most dynamic area of your chart will do wonders for your confidence and your general mood. Just pay no attention to your Scorpio neighbor laying a new floor in his garage.  It has nothing to do with you. And those trash bags he keeps carrying into the garage that are leaking blood?  Also none of your business.  Remember:  The State is your friend.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

No one likes you.  You are very boring.  Even the FBI didn’t want you as a confidential intelligence source. And no one will believe someone as boring as you can be a domestic terrorist.  So just give up.  Stay in your home and leave us all the hell alone. We find you offensive. In fact if we see you outside we will shoot you just as a matter of principle.  Also, your lucky number is seven.


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