Peaceful Wiccan of the East Killed by Shoddy Contractors!

This death could have been prevented!









A local wiccan, known as the “Peaceful Wiccan of the East” was killed today when a house fell on her.

“It was the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen” said a witness.

The Peaceful Wiccan of the East was gathering food to give to the homeless – it was one of her many acts of kindness – when this truck rolled by with a house that was being moved.  Well I guess the house wasn’t properly secured because it rolled right off the truck and right onto the poor wiccan. It all happened so fast.  Before I even had a chance to shout “Look out!” she was underneath the house.

The contractors who were moving the house were from Oz Contractors and their slogan is “We promise not to drop the house on you.”

Obviously they didn’t live up to their promise.  The contractor who was driving the truck got out, looked at the feet sticking out from under the house and said “Dammit now I have to fill out an accident report.  This is probably coming out of my paycheck!” Like we were supposed to have any sympathy for him.

The wiccan’s sister, the Peace Loving Wiccan of the West,

Contractors are all crooks!







was informed of her death and was soon on the scene.

“I couldn’t believe my sister was dead” she said.

I looked up to her. She taught me everything about being a peaceful wiccan. And there she was!  Crushed under a house. It was then that I noticed that her red ruby slippers were missing. I turned around and some girl named Dorothy from Kansas was wearing them. What the hell?  Is that what they do there?  Take trophies off dead bodies? And then this bitch has the nerve to say to me “Sorry about killing your sister the Wicked Witch of the East.”  Wicked Witch? We are peaceful Wiccans.  I don’t know what that red state hick was told about us but she’s just ignorant. I pleaded with her to give me my sister’s slippers.  She refused.  I didn’t want to start a confrontation.  That’s not what wiccans are all about.  So I told her I was going to contact my lawyer and that I’d see her in court. 

As for Dorothy,

Intolerant, hate-filled red state hick!









it was her house that was being moved and she felt that she had a right to the ruby slippers.

“This house has already cost me so much money” she said.

Why not take the slippers?  I deserve them.  It’s a consolation for all the trouble this fixer upper has caused.  All I wanted to do was move it to the lot I owned.  We’re already behind schedule and over budget, what with replacing the whole HVAC system and plumbing. Now this!  My contractor tells me that it’ll cost at least another five thousand to remove the dead body and wash any pulpy body parts off that the Board of Health might flag. It’s just one headache after another.  Next time I’m just buying a turnkey ready home. F*cking contractors!

As for the Peaceful Wiccan of the West, she has considered asking the Mayor of Munchkinland

Typical political scum!









to intervene.

“I thought about it.  But he’s a Democrat you know.  He’s probably too busy taking money from China to care about justice for one wiccan.”


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