My Exclusive Interview with Pluto

Pluto wants respect!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the honor of interviewing Pluto, a dwarf planet in our solar system.

MI:  Good afternoon Pluto.

Pluto:  Good – hey, did you just call me a dwarf planet?

MI:  Well that is your official designation according to the International Astronomical Union.  They downgraded you to a dwarf planet because they feel you’re not large enough to be a planet.

Pluto:  Isn’t that just like you Earthers!  So chauvinistic and bigoted!  It’s all about you!

MI:  Jeesh. Touchy aren’t you.  Still you have to admit you are pretty small. A dwarf planet.

Pluto:  I’m a planet!  Not like everybody says.  I’m a planet and I want respect!

MI:  You’re a nice little dwarf planet. You even have a heart on your surface. 

Who’s an adorable little dwarf planet?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 MI: It’s adorable.  Who’s a cute little dwarf planet?  

Pluto:   That’s not a heart!  It’s the Tombaugh Regio.  It’s a distinctive geological feature of mine! I’m not cute.  I’m a badass.  I’m a badass planet!

MI:  Sure you are. If it makes you feel good to say that then keep on saying it.

Pluto:  Dammit if you keep riding me like this I’ll leave my orbit, smash into Earth and cause massive devastation and destruction. Your quality of life will go down considerably!

MI:  So you’re a socialist?

Pluto:  That does it.  I’m getting my daddy, Neptune.

[Neptune enters] 

Big Daddy Neptune

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Neptune:  What’s going on here?

Pluto:  He’s being mean to me.

Neptune:  Are you being mean to my son?

MI:  All I said was that he was an adorable little dwarf planet.

Pluto:  Make him stop!

Neptune: Hey Earther, kiss my ice giant dick!

[Neptune and Pluto leave]

MI:  Well that was pleasant. Who knew planets could be that sensitive?

[Pluto from Walt Disney enters] 

Definitely not a dwarf planet!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Walt Disney Pluto:  Hey.

MI:  Hey.

Walt Disney Pluto:  I understand you want to interview me?

MI:  No.  I wanted to interview the planet Pluto.

Walt Disney Pluto:  Oh.  Then I guess I’ll be on my way.

MI:  I guess.

[Pause]

Walt Disney Pluto:  Have you seen my balls?  Mickey took me to the vet last week and when I woke up they were missing. I think the rat did something.

MI:  Sorry haven’t seen them.

Walt Disney Pluto:  Motherf*cking rat!

[Pluto leaves]

MI:  I guess the interview is over.  Once again I’d like to thank my corporate sponsors who make this blog possible.  What?  I have no corporate sponsors?  Then it’s back to the bar for me then.

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