We just want privacy! No really! Privacy! We wish people would leave us alone! No really!

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the honor of interviewing the John and Yoko of the British Royal Family, Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

MI: Good afternoon to the two of you.

H & M:  Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.

MI:  Many of my readers want to know how Harry and Meghan are adjusting to life in America.

H & M:  Please, call us the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

MI:  Um.  Okay.  So how are the Duke and Duchess of Sussex doing?

M:  I’m a Duchess!

H:  She’s a Duchess!

M:  That’s like more important than the Queen or something.

MI:  I somehow don’t think so.

M:  Did you know that Dutchess County, New York spells Duchess with a “t”?  They’re stupid.

H:  Incredibly stupid people.

MI:  Anyway, the two of you have a new documentary out on Netflix where you tell your side of the story.  For those who haven’t watched –

M:  Why would anyone not watch?  I’m a Duchess!

H:  She’s a Duchess!

MI:  Yes we’ve established that.  But for those who for whatever reason haven’t watched, what is the number one thing you’d like them to know about the two of you?

M:  It’s our desire for privacy and to be left alone.

H:  Yes.  Privacy and to be left alone.

M:  And we will keep on doing documentaries and interviews until enough people have seen us and agree to leave us alone!

MI:  Harry, is this true?  Do you agree with what your wife, the Duchess of Sussex has said?

H:  She speaks for me.  I’m just a ginger.  Your modern world frightens and confuses me.

MI:  Um.  Okay.

[One of Harry and Meghan’s servants brings over a glass of wine and gives it to Meghan.]

M:  How dare you!  Château le Blanc ’68 is supposed to be served slightly chilled! This is room temperature! What do you think we are? Animals?

H:  Off with his head!

[The servant who dared serve the room temperature Château le Blanc ’68 has his head placed in a guillotine.]

Servant:  No, no.  Please I beg you! Let me live!

[His severed head rolls to Manhattan Infidel’s feet.]

MI:  You have your own guillotine?

M:  We bought it on eBay.  I’m a Duchess you know.

H:  There is much to admire in the French character.  The guillotine is their greatest achievement. That and surrendering to the Germans.

MI:  I’ve never had anyone beheaded in front of me before.  It’s rather upsetting to see.

M:  Well what would you do if one of your servants brought room temperature Château le Blanc ’68?

MI:  I don’t have any servants.

H:  No servants? Honey are all Americans such savages?

M:  Yes dear.  They are a savage, cruel and uncultured race.

H:  Why I never!

MI:  That’s about all the time we have.  Do you have any last words for my readers?

M:  We just want to be left alone.

H: Yeah, what my wife said.  Leave us alone and give us some privacy.

M:  And watch our documentary where we talk about how much we want privacy and to be left alone.

H:  Yeah, what my wife said.

M:  Shut up dear.  No one wants to hear what a ginger has to say.  

And so ended my interview with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.  And I think I speak for all Americans when I say I hope they get the privacy they so richly deserve.

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