Old Man Winter feels he was assigned the wrong gender at birth!

Old Man Winter announced today that he is in the process of transitioning.

“For the first time I feel alive and free” said Old Man Winter.

My entire life I’ve felt different. I’ve never fit in.  I’ve always believed that something was wrong with me. And now I know what it is. I was assigned the wrong gender at birth.  I am not a man.  I’ve always been Old Woman Winter inside.  Now I finally am in touch with my inner truth.  And my inner truth enables me!  I am strong.  I am invincible. I am a non-binary woman.  And my personal pronouns are Zhe/They/Them.  I ask people to respect my personal truth.  And if they can’t I ask that the deplorables get out of my way!

Old Man Winter then expressed his thanks to all those who supported him in the transitioning process.

I particularly want to thank the doctors who performed the transition procedure. Admittedly it wasn’t easy finding someone to do it because, you know, whenever someone gets within five feet of me they freeze. So eventually I settled on some doctors from Norway.  Hell, they are old pros when it comes to the cold.

When asked if his new gender would affect they’s official duties, Old Man Winter, who now wishes to be known as “Shelly” said there should be no difference in how zhe/they/them blows.

I have one job to do and I do it well.  I blow.  The same icy cold wind that I created when I was binary will still be there. In fact, now that I identify as a woman it should be easier for me to be ice cold and freeze people out of house and home.

When asked if zhe/they/them’s example will encourage others to transition, Shelly could only answer that zhe/they/them hopes so.

Being non-binary places me at the center of the modern civil rights movement. Really there is no difference between me and Martin Luther King.  So yeah, I hope I will be an encouragement to others.

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Mother Nature has announced that she now prefers to go by the name “Father Nature.”

“My new prosthetic penis makes me more powerful than my vagina ever did.”

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