Sonny the Cuckoo Bird Injured in Car Crash!

 

I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sonny the Cuckoo bird, corporate spokesperson for Cocoa Puffs cereal, was injured earlier today in a rush hour car crash.

“I heard this car engine revving and then a squeal of tires.  Then I saw the crash” said an eyewitness.

My first thought was that there was no way anyone could have survived that crash.  Then the car door opened and Sonny came out holding a box of Cocoa Puffs.  I recognized him from the commercials. Then he started stuffing the cereal in his mouth while shouting “I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.”  I thought, “Wow, what dedication to character.” Then he started masturbating. My kids didn’t need to see that!

Another eyewitness has a similar story.

I saw someone get out of the car.  He was yelling something about his need for Cocoa Puffs.  I think.  He might have been talking about meth. He looked dazed and confused.  Another drug addict I guess. I thought it might have been Hunter Biden. Then he started masturbating. Definitely Hunter Biden. I’ve heard that certain drugs, like Cocoa Puffs or meth increase a man’s sexual desire. Anyway that’s when the policed showed up and tackled him and took him away.

Once in custody Sonny was charged with driving under the influence and lewd behavior.

“He was not compliant with the officer’s demands” said a policeman.

He was obviously strung out on some sort of drug. Meth most likely though it could have been Cocoa Puffs. I’ve heard they are similar. Anyway he kept screaming that he needed his next fix of “the sweet chocolate stuff” and he looked like he was about to get violent.  So we have to rough him up a bit. Well we beat him unconscious actually.  For his own good.  It’s tough to see your heroes act like that but it’s all part of the job.

Sonny’s troubles were only beginning however.  Once word of his arrest became public, General Mills, the maker of Cocoa Puffs, immediately fired him.

“Our thoughts and prayers are with Sonny at this difficult time” read the statement.

However we have decided to end our professional relationship. While we appreciate all that Sonny has done for us over the years we feel that in his current condition he would not be the best spokesperson for our brand.

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Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News 

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Sonny the cuckoo bird, erstwhile spokesperson for Cocoa Puffs cereal, hanged himself today in his jail cell.

“A guard last saw him in alive in his cell around 2 am. He was masturbating and asking for the sweet chocolate stuff.  In the morning we discovered him hanging by his neck. I guess some people just can’t get clean and are destined to die of their addictions” said a prison official.

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2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Happy Thanksgiving!

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