My Exclusive Interview* with James Taylor

Hire me to sing at your political event!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ it is my pleasure to interview* none other than legendary singer/songwriter James Taylor.

MI:  Good morning Mr. Taylor.

JT:  Please, call me Carly Simon’s ex-husband.

MI:  Um.  Okay Carly Simon’s ex-husband.

JT:  I’ve seen her naked.

MI:  Yes, well anyway you were in the news recently when you performed “Fire and Rain”, a song about suicide, at the White House as President Biden touted his economic policies.  The same time you were doing this the Dow was tanking over 1000 points.

JT:  Your point being?

MI:  It’s just that many people have found that juxtaposition ironic. Do you have any comment on it?

JT:  I’ve seen Carly Simon naked.

MI:  Yes you already mentioned that.

JT:  No seriously.  I have pictures.  Contact my management for price and availability.

MI:  I’ll pass.

JT:  Speaking of price and availability I had so much fun singing at the White House that I’d like to announce that I am now available to sing at birthday parties.

MI:  Okay that’s interesting.  Why exactly?

JT:  I feel that celebrities are so distant from their fans nowadays and I want to bridge that gap and become more a singer/songwriter of the people.

MI:  Really?

JT:  Okay, I have two ex-wives that I have to pay alimony to and I haven’t had a hit in 50 years.

MI:  That makes sense.

JT:  Listen, will you give me money for this interview?  All I need is 20 bucks.  That’ll pay for a MetroCard.

[Manhattan Infidel hands James Taylor twenty dollars.]

MI:  So what’s it like doing birthday parties.

JT:  Oh it’s fantastic.  I love the atmosphere at birthday parties and the joy I can bring to a crowd.

MI:  As a performer that must be very satisfying.

JT:  It is.  I also get to talk about politics.  Politics and singing.  It’s what I do best.

MI:  Do the people that hire you mind you bringing politics into the mix?

JT:  They don’t mind at all.  In fact they appreciate it.  Well, except the last party I went to.  It was some kid’s fifth birthday party.  I started singing “Fire and Rain” and the father was all “Jesus he’s singing that suicide song again!” And then when I finished the song I asked the kids if they’ve begun transitioning yet.

MI:  Transitioning?

JT:  The kids were confused at first.  But then I told them that there was no need to be binary when it comes to gender.  I said they can change their gender and that it was easy.  All the doctor does is cut their penis down the middle and fold it back to create an artificial vagina.

MI:  How did the kids react to that?

JT:  They all started crying.  Some threw up.  That’s when the father kicked me out.  He must be a Republican.

MI:  I see

JT:  Thank god he paid me my twenty dollars beforehand.

MI:  Yes very fortunate.

JT:  Hey can I perform at your birthday party?

MI:  No I’ve already hired someone.

JT:  Who?

MI:  Carly Simon.

JT: Son of a bitch!

And so ended my interview* with James Taylor.

*Note: My lawyer has informed me that I have to tell people that said interview may never have happened.

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