Manhattan Infidel’s Guide to Surviving the Winter Carbon Free and Net Zero

You have disappointed me with your bourgeois attachment to heat in winter!

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the war in the Ukraine raging on and the supply of Russian oil dramatically reduced, the world may have the honor of finally stopping global warming and achieving a carbon-free net-zero energy existence.

We here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ want to do our part to achieve this great event.  Accordingly we have prepared a question and answer post that we hope will help our many readers to usher in this glorious age.

  • I keep reading about carbon-free and net-zero and the World Economic Forum makes it sound very enticing.  What does this entail exactly?

A carbon-free and net-zero existence, which your lords and masters at the World Economic Forum wish to bring into existence is a system where people like you, which for purposes of this article we shall call “serf” are tied to the land using compost toilets, candles and no indoor heating. We in the elite shall continue to fly around the globe in private jets to warn the serfs that sea levels will rise if they continue to use carbon irresponsibly.

  • Wait.  What?  No indoor heating?  Winter’s coming up and it can get pretty cold. My aged parents live with me.  We all need indoor heating to survive.

You ignorant serf.  You have disappointed all of us with your bourgeois attachment to heat in winter.  You don’t need heat.  Look at this girl’s face.

Do you want this girl to cry?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See her pain.  Do you want to make Greta Thunberg cry?  What kind of man are you?

  • But my parents! I can survive without heat but they are infirm.  They will die without heat.

Humans are pollutants.  They desecrate Mother Earth.  Your parents have to make room for the young and healthy.  That’s the rule of Mother Nature.

  • That’s so cruel. I love my parents!

What is more important to you?  A selfish attachment to the people who by an act of fornication brought you into this world, or Greta Thunberg and those of us at the World Economic Forum?

  • My parents!

You disgust me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You don’t need indoor heating.  Just chop down some trees, set them on fire and warm yourselves that way.

  • But won’t chopping down our forests lead to more global warming?

Probably.  That’s why you need us at the World Economic Forum to fly around the globe in our private jets to warn serfs like you about using too much carbon.

  • I don’t buy your argument!

You won’t need to buy anything in the new world order. You shall own nothing and be happy.

  • And what about you?

We shall have our private planes.  It’s necessary to spread the word of a carbon-neutral existence.

  • But what about – 

Is that a sandwich you are eating?

  • Yes I am hungry.

A sandwich? What’s wrong with eating bugs?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You don’t need processed foods.  They lead to global warming.  The Earth’s dirt  contains many nutritious bugs.  Eat bugs!

  • Will you be eating bugs?

No.  Bugs are not part of the menu on board our private planes.

  • If you aren’t going to follow the rules why the hell should I?

[Pause]

That is a valid point. Off with your head!

  • Wait. What?

[Armed guards arrive and put the questioner in chains]

This person is not carbon-neutral!!  To the guillotine!

  • Help!  Help!

 

We here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ hope that this brief question and answer session will prepare all my readers for the glorious future that awaits us all.  And stay tuned for my next post “101 Delicious Bug Recipes.”

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