In First Act as King, Charles III Bans Dancing in Small Town of Bomont, Texas

I Hereby decree that dancing shall not be allowed in Bomont!








In a move that has surprised many, King Charles III decreed today that dancing shall not be allowed in the small town of Bomont, Texas.

“It has come to my attention that a certain someone has moved to this town from Chicago” said the King.

He has big city ways. These big city ways are incompatible with small town values.  He likes to dance. And dancing is a gateway drug that leads to immorality such as smoking, watching Fox News and voting Republican. Therefore by the power vested in me as King I hereby ban dancing and rock music within the boundaries of Bomont.

While the town council, at the behest of local minister the Reverend Shawn Moore (pictured here),

Dancing and rock music are evil!









has already banned dancing the decree was widely ignored, especially by the youth of the town.

One person in particular has led the resistance: Ren McCormack.

This man is threatening the morals of the town!

This McCormack fellow has no respect. He comes to town with his big city ways, dancing and listening to rock music and he has corrupted the innocent, gullible youth of this town. Americans have a tradition they call the “prom.”  I fear McCormack will use the prom as an excuse to dance.  Now I know many Americans are asking themselves why I, the King of England, Scotland and Northern Ireland am involving myself with matters in a town in Texas.  I answer that while it is true that America gained its independence in the 18th Century, we have never reconciled ourselves to this.  By banning dancing in this town I hope to lead a reconciliation between our peoples.  I know Americans have a deep love of royalty. My advisors tell me this all the time. Americans love royalty and bangors and mash.

While the King’s decree for the most part has met with approval, there are those in America who think the King would be better off using his authority on other issues.

A recent survey found that 65 percent of all Americans would like the King to ban The View or at the very least Whoopie Goldberg while another 30 percent would like to see the King ban the designated hitter. The other five percent were split among having the King ban the sale of oatmeal raisin and chocolate chip cookies side by side (too many people grab the wrong cookie), Daylight Savings Time and odd numbers.

“Odd numbers are racist and the vestiges of patriarchy” said congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio Cortez.

The King’s decree takes effect in one month.  Those who violate the ordinance shall be forced to drive on the left side of the road and watch the BBC.


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    You know me, Infidel, I’m a big fan of our beloved rulers. So yes, please, King Charles, ban the View and the repellent Whoopii. Please.

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