NASA Scrubs Artemis Launch After Female Astronaut Causes Accident on Launch Pad!

Women drivers!







NASA has announced that the long-awaited launch of its Artemis rocket has been postponed until a later date.

“Things were going fine” said NASA administrator Bill Nelson.

We were all set to go to the moon.  We were practicing ingress and egress with the command module and the countdown was going well. That’s when it happened.

Sources say that after the hatch was closed Mission Control heard one of the female astronauts say “What does this button do?”

We knew we were in trouble.  We all looked at each other and thought “Oh Christ she’s going to push that button.”  And she did push it.  Despite all the training telling her not to push that button she decided once she was in the command module to push it.

The button in question was the emergency escape button. Once pushed the explosive bolts activated and the command module shot up away from the rocket. The parachutes then opened and the command module floated helplessly down to the ground.

We could hear the conversation in the command module and let’s just say it wasn’t pleasant. The other astronauts were furious and kept asking her why she had to press that button and reminding her that in training they were told never to press it. She then started crying.  

After emergency vehicles reached the command module and picked up the astronauts they were transported to a secure facility for debriefing.

We kept asking her why she pushed the button.  That’s when she accused us of “patriarchal behavior”.  She kept telling us not to be so mean to her and that if she were a male astronaut we wouldn’t treat her this badly.  And we wouldn’t. Do you want to know why? A male astronaut wouldn’t have pushed the f*cking emergency escape button.

She then stopped talking to anyone.  When asked what was wrong she’d answer “You know what’s wrong. I shouldn’t have to tell you.”

She just glared at us.  You know the old expression, “If looks could kill”?  Well that definitely applies here.  She then accused us of “using our penises to start wars.”  I mean come on. That’s just not fair.  None of us has ever used our penis to start a war.  Occasionally we use our penises to press buttons on an elevator, but that’s just normal behavior.

NASA has announced that before the next attempt at a launch the command module’s emergency escape button will be retrofitted with a label that says “Direct TV.  Press to watch football.”

“We figure no woman will press that button” said Nelson.

From the White House President Biden expressed regret over the postponement and reiterated his confidence in NASA.

“Corn Pop was a bad dude.” said the President.


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Yes, the sooner we regain full Space Dominance the better. But how?

    Get rid of women and replace them with fake substitutes.

    Problem? Solution.

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