Season Two of J6 Hearings to Feature New Character: Cousin Oliver from Brady Bunch!

Producers hope to bring in a younger demographic to replace the Liz Cheney character

 

 

 

 

 

 

Producers of the J6 television show have announced that with the departure of Liz Cheney they will bring in new characters and go for a “younger demographic.”

Look Liz was very popular” said one of the producers of the J6 show.

She was the breakout character and we hated to lose her. But she was, how shall we say this, old.  She was old and we needed to go for a younger audience. And that’s why we think Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch will be a perfect fit for the J6 show.

While officially the parting with Cheney is said to be amicable and the producers are wishing her well, there were rumors of tension on the set.

“Liz liked food” said an anonymous source.

She used to break into the other dressing rooms and steal food.  Once she stole Adam Kinzinger’s Happy Meal.  Adam was devastated and spent the day crying.  He wouldn’t even come out on camera for the hearings.  I don’t know which was more unprofessional:  Adam staying in his dressing room or Liz on camera with Happy Meal remnants all over her face.  Another time she tried to eat Jerry Nadler. She got as far as his kidneys before throwing it back up.  It was just a bad look.

Worried that the tension on the set would ruin the hearings, producers decided to buy out Cheney’s contract.

We gave her $100,000 dollars and a lifetime supply of corn dogs.  Actually when we gave her the corn dogs she said she didn’t need the money. Then she started stuffing the corn dogs into her mouth.  I tell you she must give out more gas than a Russian pipeline to Europe.

With Cheney out of the way the producers looked around for a viable character to replace her, one that would appeal to the younger demographic they were after.

Originally we tried to get Ariana Grande. But with the #metoo movement most of the producers were afraid she’d sue if we told her she’d have to sleep with us to get the job. It was then that we settled on Cousin Oliver. 

He’s young! he’s hip! He’s cool!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Hell everyone loved him in The Brady Bunch. He was the show! He is young, hip and will bring in the viewers we are after.

Producers have already prepared an episode arc with Cousin Oliver for the J6 show.

We think Cousin Oliver would be a perfect comic foil for Jerry Nadler.  Imagine the hijinks that would ensue if he stole Nadler’s bacon cheeseburger deluxe or large pizza.  Yes Liz also stole food but she was too serious about it. But with Cousin Oliver it will be comedy gold! I can picture it now: Nadler will chase him around the podium trying to get his food back while Yakety Sax plays in the background.

Cousin Oliver has told reporters that he is pleased to join the show.

“It’s going to be fun. And the producers said all I had to do to get the job was sleep with them. Do they mean a sleep over?  Should I bring my pajamas?”

And now, without further adieu, Yakety sax!

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Yes, this is GOLD.

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