Bow down before me serfs!

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing Liz Cheney, congresswoman from Wyoming.

MI:  Good afternoon congresswoman Cheney.

LC:  Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.

MI:  The past couple years you have represented the State of Wyoming in congress.  If I may, your lopsided loss must have been quite a shock.  To what do you attribute your falling out of favor with the citizens of Wyoming?

LC:  When I first ran for congress I couldn’t decide between Wyoming or one of the Dakotas.  I wanted to start out small. Being a congresswoman was only going to be temporary anyway.  I have my sites set on larger fish.

MI:  Are you saying you are going to run for President on the Republican ticket in 2024?

LC:  Yes and I shall be unstoppable.  How can I lose?  I have the support of MSNBC and CNN.  Those two networks are always saying such nice things about me.

MI:  Neither of those networks could be described as catering to the Republican base.  Could that be the reason you were defeated in a landslide?

LC:  [Pause]  Donald Trump is a mean person!

MI:  Wyoming rejected you because Donald Trump is a mean person?

LC:  Yes!  He’s very mean. He’s a meanie!  Mean  people like him used to make fun of me during recess at school.  They called me “fatty” and “cow.”

MI:  I see.

LC:  [Starting to cry]  He’s mean!  Why is everyone always being so mean to me!  

DC:  May I say something? 

War! War! WAR!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MI:  Ladies and gentleman it’s none other than former Vice President Dick Cheney.  Good afternoon Mr. Vice President. May I ask where you are calling from?

DC:  For security reasons I cannot tell you that.  Suffice to say I am currently in the process of transitioning into a duck.

MI:  A duck?

DC:  Yes.  I’m currently pre-op but hope to be a full post-op duck soon.

MI:  Why a duck?

DC:  As a duck I can fly over foreign countries and bomb them.  I am having my duck ass retrofitted with missiles as we speak.  I love war.  WAR!

MI:  You’re insane.

DC:  Hold that thought.  I am about to transition into a fully post-op duck.   Yes. I can feel it.  I’m becoming a duck!  Quack! 

“Duck” Cheney!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MI:  Okay it looks like Vice President Cheney has turned into a duck.

DC:  Quack!  Quack!

LC:  You go dad!  Fly free and bomb foreign countries, without a declaration of war or congressional authorization!

DC:  Quack!

[Former Vice President and current duck Dick Cheney flies into the path of a commercial airliner and is sucked into the jet engine]

MI:  Oh that’s really messy.

LC:  Dad!!

MI:  I’m sorry congresswoman.  It  looks like your father is now nothing but fleshy, bloody pulp on the outside of a jet engine.

LC:  This is Donald Trump’s fault.  He mean!  

MI:  I don’t think – 

LC:  And I’m not fat.  Stop calling me fat!

MI:  I’m not – 

[Congresswoman Cheney breaks down sobbing]

LC:  Trump’s mean.  Just like all men!  

MI:  Well that’s about all the time I have.  

LC:  Are you leaving me?  You’re mean just like all men!

[She runs away sobbing]

MI:  Jeesh.  No wonder Wyoming rejected  her.  [Raising voice]  YOUR FATHER’S A DUCK!

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