Banana Republics Sue United States for Unfair Business Practices!

The United States has besmirched the good name of the Banana Republic!








The banana republics of Central America today sued the United States stating that the U.S., by claiming banana republic status, is threatening their livelihoods.

“This isn’t fair” said Venezuelan president Nicolas Madero.

I’ve worked my entire life trying to turn Venezuela into a shithole.  Now Biden comes along and turns the U.S. into one. They are bigger than us.  Who will want to do business with a small banana republic when they have the United States and their 300 million people.  Who can compete with that?  I feel like a small business owner going up against Amazon!

“This just sucks” chimed in Nicaraguan president Daniel Ortega.

I had a good thing going here.  Supreme power.  Economic dominance.  Money up the wazoo.  Then Biden goes and raids the opposition leader Trump’s home. That’s not even something I would think of doing. He’s playing with fire that Biden is. If he doesn’t tone down his banana republicanism I might be forced to kill some more American tourists. Not that I’ve ever killed American tourists.  Not officially anyway.

“What hell is the point of power” declared El Salvador president Nayib Bukele.

What the hell is the point of endless civil war and civilian massacres? We didn’t assassinate Archbishop Romero only to have the United States steal our thunder!  This is unfair and my fellow Central American Presidents and myself are suing America to cease and desist from further banana republic behavior. We are a tiny nation of only seven million people.  The United States has 300 million.  How can we compete?  They have the glamor. They have the Kardashians.  We have none of that.  All we have is football. Not football Americano.  Real football.  You know, where people kick a ball around and then fall on the ground screaming in pain if someone touches them.

Speaking on behalf of his father, President Biden, Hunter Biden

I Likes hookers and blow










reassured the Central Americans that the U.S. has no intention of competing with them for banana republic status.

“We like Central America” said Biden.

I get some of my best blow from them.  And the hookers?  Muy fantastico!  You know what I like most about Central American prostitutes?  None of them are Asian.  I don’t like yellow. So you see they have nothing to worry about.  We aren’t claiming banana republic status.  All we want is to enrich ourselves and our crony capitalist friends through foreign business contacts.  And we also want to crush the opposition party. We have the man Trump. Now we just have to find the crime. So you see.  Totally not a banana republic.

From the White House President Biden brilliantly downplayed the controversy by struggling to put on his jacket.




2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    what’s Dr. Jill wearing?

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Prison stripes it looks like, which would be appropriate considering her elder abuse of her dementia-ridden husband.

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