Feds Raid Mar-a-Lago; Seize Trump’s Toilet!

Democracy dies on the crapper!











FBI agents raided the home of former President Donald Trump, looking for evidence to tie him to the January 6th insurrection.

“We all know Trump is guilty” said Attorney General Merrick Garland.

We have the man.  Now we just have to find the crime.  That’s why the magistrate who used to work for Jeffrey Epstein signed off on the raid.  There was absolutely no quid-pro-quo.  The magistrate definitely did not authorize the raid in return for not being charged with any crimes relating to Epstein.

The FBI were reportedly looking for classified documents that had been illegally taken from the White House after Trump left office. Having searched the entire estate and finding nothing incriminating the Feds realized that one room had yet to be searched:  The Executive Washroom.

“We immediately knew the documents had to be in the toilet” said the agent in charge of the raid.

That’s what happens in the movies.  They always try to flush evidence down the john.  That’s why the FBI Academy teaches all its students how to search through toilets. We want all our agents to be familiar with internal plumbing.  Anyway, when we realized that the bathroom had not been searched we busted the door down.

After busting down the door agents were greeting by the cleaning woman, who was on the toilet in the process of evacuating her bowels.

We wanted the toilet. Naturally we are aware of different cultural traditions.  We aren’t racists after all.  We all know that Hispanic women spend a lot of time on the toilet.  Probably from all the tacos they eat.  So we took the toilet with her still sitting on it. She didn’t seem to mind but asked us if she could clock out first.  So we carried the toilet to where the time cards are kept.  Again, we want her to be paid so she can eat more tacos. It’s called cultural sensitivity.

After removing the toilet, agents took it to an FBI crime lab where a piece of paper found in the toilet was analyzed.

“After cleaning the paper up we found the phrase ‘1 Corinthians chapter 13’ written on it.” said Garland.

We have no idea what this first Corinthians 13 means.  Probably code of some sort encouraging an insurrection.  But once we had that paper it was enough to charge Trump with seditious conspiracy.  We got the bastard!  He’ll never be able to run for President again.

Garland then opened a bottle of champagne and celebrated with his agents.


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Representative Liz Cheney (R-WY) has hired the former cleaning lady of the Mar-a-Lago estate.

“I understand she knows where to get tacos” said Cheney.

“There are two things I love in life: Betraying my constituents and eating tacos.  Lots of them. I sometimes rub tacos all over my naked body while dreaming of taking Trump down!”


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Infidel, I’m a bit confused. Are you saying tha FBI is somehow wrong?

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      I would never suggest such a thing. And I’m not just saying that because they are standing outside pointing guns at me.

      But seriously, the FBI cannot be reformed. It must be destroyed. Every piece of its headquarters in DC must be dismantled and thrown in the Potomac. The empty lot where the headquarters used to stand should be sown with salt and a sign placed on it saying “Warning: This is what will happen to those who try to abridge our freedoms.”

      It’ll never happen of course. Our corrupt Uniparty needs the FBI to protect them from those pesky pedophilia allegations.

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