Manhattan Infidel Presents the Complete Text of the Green New Deal Because He Cares About the Environment and Other Factors Including But Not Limited to Alexandria Ocasio Cortez Threatened to Bite Me With Her Famous Chompers (Part IV)

You did not choose my green new deal I chose you







Alexandria Ocasio Cortez (aka “The Gift That Keeps on Giving“) has gifted us with her Green New Deal. As a responsible journalist it is now my duty to present the complete text to my readers for them read at their leisure (or use as toilet paper.)

  1. cleaning up existing hazardous waste and abandoned sites to promote economic development and sustainability.  Note:  These existing hazardous waste and abandoned sites do not include our inner cities, most of which are controlled by the Democratic Socialists of America. I mean I never visit them. Too much gun violence.  But Chuck Schumer said I shouldn’t talk about that. This was just before he took his penis out and asked me to touch it.
  2. ensuring the use of democratic and participatory processes that are inclusive of and led by frontline and vulnerable communities and workers to plan, implement, and administer the Green New Deal mobilization at the local level; those that refuse to work with us shall be sent to re-indoctrination camps where they shall work for work shall set them free. And yes by those refusing to work with us I mean Republicans and by re-indoctrination camps I mean prisons. But our re-indoctrination camps shall not use coal when putting people in ovens because coal is a pollutant. Only wind power for our camps!
  3. making public investments in the research and development of new clean and renewable energy technologies and industries; By this I mean wind power, horses (as long as they don’t fart) and buggies. And don’t rule out walking.  We in the government shall continue to use airplanes and internal combustion engines but only for convenience sake.
  4. directing investments to spur economic development, by that I mean nationalizing all the banks, deepen and diversify industry in local and regional economies, by that I mean wind power and walking and build wealth and community ownership and by that I mean socialism like they have in Venezuela – it works, it really works, while prioritizing high-quality job creation and economic, social, and environmental benefits in frontline and vulnerable communities that may otherwise struggle with the transition away from greenhouse gas intensive industries and by that I mean killing those who insist on using internal combustion engines.
  5. a Green New Deal must be developed through transparent and inclusive consultation and by that I mean having the masses do what we the experts tell them, collaboration, and partnership with frontline and vulnerable communities, labor unions, worker cooperatives, civil society groups, academia, and businesses; Chuck Schumer told me to put that part in about academia. He’s really smart. Does anybody know what “polishing a knob” means?  He keeps asking me to do it.  He said most people call it a blow job. Is he talking about wind power?

Tomorrow:  Part V. (That’s part five for the uneducated who cling to guns, religion and fossil fuels)



2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    But Infidel, Ocasio’s only signed a 10 mill deal. How’s that going to cover the cost of socialist chalet overlooking Davos? Hardly cuts Aspen, for goodness sake.

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