Manhattan Infidel Presents the Complete Text of the Green New Deal Because He Cares About the Environment and Other Factors Including but Not Limited to Alexandria Ocasio Cortez Threatened to Bite Me With Her Famous Chompers (Part III)

You did not choose my green new deal I chose you







As promised now for Part III. It’s like Godfather Part III but without Coppola’s daughter stinking everything up.

Whereas climate change, pollution, environmental destruction and gun violence in inner cities ruled by Democrats that I shouldn’t mention have exacerbated systemic racial, regional, social, environmental, and economic injustices by disproportionately affecting indigenous communities, communities of color, migrant communities, deindustrialized (socialist) communities, depopulated rural communities, the poor, low-income workers, women, the elderly, the unhoused, people with disabilities, youth and the occasional Klingon who is too proud to beg;

Whereas, climate change constitutes a direct threat to the national security of the United States—

  1. by impacting the economic, environmental, and social stability of countries and communities around the world, granted not as much as all the drone strikes but those drone strikes were ordered by Obama and he’s a Nobel Peace Prize winner so that means it’s okay; and
  2. by acting as a threat multiplier; That’s a phrase Chuck Schumer asked me to use as he was putting his hands under my blouse. I didn’t want to put it in.  Threat multiplier? Sounds like the white man’s toxic masculine math!

Now, therefore, be it

Resolved, That it is the sense of the House of Representatives that—

  1. Actually I don’t know what the sense of the House is. Sometimes I sense that they want to beat Nancy Pelosi and dump her body in the woods. Other times I sense they all want to put their hands under my blouse. I’ll let the Democrats do it. But no Republicans!  I have pride you know!
  2. the goals described iabove (referred to in this resolution as the ‘‘Green New Deal goals or shit that will never happen lets be honest but MSNBC likes it and always has me on”) should be accomplished through a 10-year national mobilization (referred to in this resolution as the ‘‘Definitely not a five year plan like the communists used to have because this is a ten year plan’’) that will require the following goals and projects—

a. upgrading all existing buildings in the United States and building new buildings with new stuff that is new that will make the new building very new and stuff to achieve maximal energy efficiency, water efficiency, safety, affordability, comfort, and durability.  I think it would be neat if these new building could fly too.

b.  working collaboratively with farmers (but unlike in the Soviet Union and China we will let the farmers live and have more than one child but only if they meet productivity levels and their children do not fart)  to eliminate pollution from methane farts and greenhouse gas emissions

c. overhauling transportation systems in the United States to eliminate pollution and greenhouse gas emissions from the transportation sector by eliminating cars and I know that means Meatloaf’s Paradise by the Dashboard Light will not be understood by future generations through investment in—
(i) zero-emission vehicle infrastructure and manufacturing (By that I mean horses who will have their anuses plugged so they can’t fart. Hey, we should do that with the cows too!)
(ii) high speed rail that shall eliminate the need for planes. This high speed rail shall be built over oceans as well so that the indigenous peoples of Hawaii can visit

d.  removing greenhouse gases from the atmosphere. Note:  In the short term we may have to eliminate the atmosphere as well but that’s okay since carbon dioxide causes almost as much global warming as farting cows.

Tomorrow:  Part IV.



2 Responses

  1. LSP says:


    Flying Buildings.

    More please.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      IF only the Republicans would allocate money for flying building the socialist workers paradise will come!

      if you build it the socialist workers paradise shall come.

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