New York City Expands Gender Identity Options for Residents!

Binary gender identity is strictly for capitalists!











New York City mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. (stage name Bill de Blasio) has announced that henceforth all residents of Gotham will have more than two gender identities to choose from on their NYC identification cards.

“This is a forward-thinking and compassionate day for New Yorkers” declared the Sandinista.

In the fairest big city in America, we have a mandate to further our commitment to justice and access for all transgender, non-binary, and gender non-conforming New Yorkers,  Also, those who wish to change their gender identify on their ID card will not have to pay an extra fee. Assuming the gender identity change of heart happens in the same calendar year as the issuance of the ID card. We are sending a clear message that all New Yorkers, of all gender identities and expressions, belong and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Unless they are conservatives. They will have to pay through the nose. Serves them right. Damn binary gender freaks!

Using my journalistic skills I was able to exclusively obtain the new ID card and its gender identity options which I now present for my readers:

  • Gender
  1. Male
  2. Female
  3. X
  4. Malcom X
  5. Malcom McDowell
  6. Malcom-Jamal Warner
  7. Time Warner
  8. Spectrum (formerly Time Warner)
  9. Depends on how many drinks I have
  10. Binary (But don’t hold it against me)
  11. Binary (I hate myself and yearn to change my gender but am too afraid to do so as I’ve grown attached to my balls)
  12. Speaking of balls I’m heading down to Little Italy for some spaghetti with meat balls
  13. Are there real balls in meat balls? I only ask because they were slapping against my chin as I ate them.
  14. English
  15. I have this growth on the inside of my thigh. Might be a third ball. Might be a skin tag. Will this affect my gender identity choice?
  16. Chewbacca
  17. Self-identify as male but I’m also a dancer on Broadway which complicates things
  18. Currently incarcerated and self-identify as female for my cell mate
  19. My gender identity always changes. I’m like one of those fish that changes sexes. Only I never change sex. But sex and gender are not the same thing. You see gender is a bourgeois construct
  20. I have man boobs. They used to be a source of shame but then I realized I could save money staying at home on Saturday night playing with them instead of hiring a sex worker
  21. I am not defined by my external genitalia
  22. Okay I’m pretty much defined by my external genitalia
  23. Would you like to see my external genitalia?
  24. Is that mace?
  25. Jeesh it’s not like I asked you to touch it
  26. Herman’s Hermits were a critically underrated band
  27. Pete Best. Yes I realize he’s English but I want to be specific so no. 14 doesn’t apply
  28. Used to to self-identify as male but then I had an accident involving a weed wacker. Now I self–identify as female
  29. Do you happen to know a good lawyer?  Those weed wacker instructions were not clear
  30. Mambo  no. 5

I’m sure I speak for all New Yorkers when I say well done, Mr. Mayor. Well done. By the way do any of my readers know a good lawyer. I’m serious about those weed wacker instructions.



3 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    “But sex and gender are not the same thing. You see gender is a bourgeois construct.”


  2. LSP says:

    They’re everywhere, Infidel. Last I heard was Cardinal Dolan was busy mansplaining to Cuomo.


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