PUSSY!!

We here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ pride ourselves on how enlightened and compassionate we are. And as a compassionate and enlightened person I wanted to show solidarity with my oppressed sisters by marching in this year’s Woman’s March.

But first I had to get permission. I mean only a man suffering from toxic masculinity would barge in on the parade unannounced. So I called the March headquarters.

WM:  Hello, Woman’s March headquarters

MI: May I speak to the man in charge?

[She hangs up]

At first I was surprised she hung up but upon reflection a woman’s work is never done and she probably had laundry to do.

So it was off to the March. But first I had to decide which march to march in.  The march had broken into two groups (probably a male trick – divide and conquer).

After much reflection and soul searching I decided to march with the group having the younger, more attractive women in it. (As an accomplished journalist I wanted to get the stories of women just starting out in life.)

So I bought a pussy hat and off I went to find the marchers.

After eventually finding a group of marchers and joining them I removed my jacket to reveal my “Clean my house and feed me” t shirt.  Some of the marchers didn’t understand that the shirt was supposed to be ironic. But that’s understandable. Women have a lot of work to do around the house and don’t have the resources to understand irony or subtlety.

So I decided to take pity on the woman and “mansplain” why the t shirt was ironic.

You see ladies. I’m here marching for your equal rights. And wearing a t shirt that says this displays toxic masculinity. That’s why it’s ironic. I know many of you probably were busy taking home economics courses in school and missed out on the subtlety but I assure you it’s because I support my sisters in every way. However if one of you honeys would like to come over and clean my house before cooking me an excellent meal I sure would appreciate it.

They seemed to accept my explanation and the march continued.

As we marched together I could feel a growing bond between me and the other marchers. So much so that I naturally wanted to become as intimate as possible with my new found friends.

After asking, by my count, over 400 women if they would like to see my penis and being rejected each time I had to speak up and voice my concerns.

What the hell is wrong with all of you?  Why don’t you want to see my penis?  Is is that time of the month for all of you? I just want to build upon the intimacy we all feel together. Any of you swallow?

I was then attacked by the marchers and beaten unconscious.  (Women can be so emotional and irrational sometimes!)

And so ended my involvement with the Women’s March 2019.  All in all I continue to support the cause. But just be careful about getting on their nerves during their periods.

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