Gillette to Follow up We Believe Campaign With New Commercials

Men are all scum








Gillette, fresh off its inspiring “We Believe” ad announced plans to follow up with even more “woke” commercials.

“We at Gillette are about more than selling razors” said its CEO.

We on the Board of Directors all have college degrees and live in nice neighborhoods. As such we want to bring about a better world. A world filled with social justice. A world where all men, filthy scum that they all are, rapists that they are, can shave their faces knowing that the world will be a better place once only if they vote Democrat. Now admittedly we might offend people and they might stop buying our razors. But they are low class people. Deplorables. As such we don’t want their business anyway. It might affect our bottom line but since when are our profits tied to how many razors we sell?

He then announced several new commercials that Gillette will be airing.

“These commercials will help Gillette enter the brave new world we live in.” 

First up will be a new commercial called “You Shave Your Face Why Not Cut Your Balls Off” where a young man looks into the mirror and realizes that the act of shaving perpetuates toxic masculinity.

“I use this razor to scrape my face when I should be scraping off the remnants of my disgusting masculinity” says the young man.

He then proceeds to use his Gillette razor to remove his testicles from his body. Holding up his severed, disgusting man thing he looks into the camera and says “Gillette razors. The best for castration. Castrate yourself now!”

In the second commercial a teenage boy sits on his bed crying. His mother enters and asks what is wrong.

“The other boys make fun of me because they are shaving their faces and I just want to wear girl’s clothing.”

The mother then strokes his long hair and replies:

Don’t worry honey. Those boys are simply trapped by their testosterone. They are stupid animals ruled by their testicles. But there is a better way.  I’m going to start you on hormone replacement therapy. You will become a pretty woman. The prettiest woman around. And you can use your Gillette razor to shave your pretty, womanly legs!

“We hope these commercials will prove that Gillette is serious about social justice” said the CEO.

He then castrated himself and held up his severed nasty man thing.

“I sever myself for social justice.”  

He then passed out.

For those of you wondering here is Gillette’s “We Believe” commercial.  As for me, I’ll be buying Harry’s razors from now on.


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Harry’s — good call. I swapped to them a while ago. It’s important that we all do our bit in the never ending war against becoming sexless drones of the NWO hivemind.

    Now report yourself to the nearest lit. dance reeducation center.

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