Where’s the beer?

Former congressman Beto O’Rourke, who failed to win a senate seat in Texas has begun an across the continent road trip where he will meet and greet users and listen to their concerns.

Naturally we at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ wanted in on the action. So I called Beto.

MI:  Beto it’s me, Manhattan Infidel. I heard about your cross country road trip. I want in.

BO:  I dunno man. My mother told me not to speak to strangers.

MI:  I have beer.

BO:  Hop in.

And so began our road trip. We laughed. We cried. We avoided police. After a week on the road and much prodding Beto agreed to a formal interview with me. So as he drove I sat in the passenger seat, cassette tape recorder running (they can’t be hacked into) asking him the questions American wants to know.

MI: So Beto, despite you loss to Ted Cruz many have called you a “rising star” in the Democratic party. This road trip seems to be a way with connecting with voters across the US as part of a 2020 presidential run. Is this accurate?

BO:  Well as we used to say in Mexico when I was growing up, “Si. Si.”

MI: So you’re Mexican?  

BO:  Si. Si.  Spent my entire childhood in Mexico. I love the country. Its natural beauty. It language. Its traditions.

MI: Name one Mexican tradition.

BO:  Swimming across the Rio Grande into America.

MI:  I guess it pays to have a Hispanic background in America today. Have you met Elizabeth Warren? She’s a full-blooded Cherokee warrior.

BO: Nah. If it’s one thing I hate it’s people faking ethnic identity.

MI: Um. Okay. Anyway many people are calling you the “Next Kennedy.”  What do you think of being called this and is it accurate?

BO:  I haven’t thought about it much. Hey can you reach into the back seat and grab me a beer.  Mine’s out.

[Manhattan Infidel grabs a beer and gives it to Beto]

BO: Thanks man. So anyway as you were saying am I the next Kennedy? I take that as a compliment and I hope I can live up to the Kennedy label.

MI:  Look out! You almost hit that school bus! It had to swerve to avoid you.

BO:  Oh is that what crashed and burst into flames?  Hey can you hand me another beer. I just finished this one.

MI:  That was quick.

[Manhattan Infidel reaches back and hands Beto another beer.]

BO:  Thanks man. Anyway as I was saying – 

MI:  Look out!

[The car Beto is driving goes off a bridge and ends up upside down in the water]

I don’t remember what happened next only that I woke up by the side of the channel dripping wet. Beto was nowhere to be seen. A state trooper asked me if I was driving and I said “No, Beto was.”

“Figures” said the trooper. “Mexicans are shitty drivers.”

Let’s see. Bad teeth. Drunk driving. Leaving the scene of an accident. Hmm.  Beto is the next Kennedy!

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