Manhattan Infidel Presents: The Texts of Jeff Bezos

Would you like to see my junk?







As the entire world now knows, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos recently was outed as cheating on his wife after his romantic and racy texts (including pictures of his “junk”) to TV host Lauren Sanchez were leaked to the National Inquirer.

Many of the stranger and/or pornographic texts were withheld from publication. Naturally the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ has gladly stepped in to fill the gap and proudly presents these texts.

Sources say the duo first became romantically entangled during a party to celebrate the Amazon-distributed movie “Manchester by the Sea.”

Shortly after attending the premiere party and seeing Sanchez, Bezos sent the following text and photo:

Would you like to see a photo of my junk?  Because I really want you to see my junk. Here’s a sexy photo of my junk. Imagine touching it. 

Jeff Bezo’s junk

After viewing Bezo’s junk, Sanchez and the Amazon founder began their steamy relationship that included even more texts.

Only Manhattan Infidel is brave enough to produce these texts. I do because the world has a right to know the truth!

Bezos:  I want to smell you. I want to breathe you in. I want to kiss your lips

Sanchez: Oh Jeff you are so romantic. You make my heart beat faster.

Bezos:  Are you taking medication for that?  Because it sounds like you have a dangerous medical condition.

Sanchez: Um, what?

Bezos:  I want to be with you. I will fall asleep with you and wake up tomorrow and read the paper and have coffee with you.

Sanchez: Oh Jeff no man has ever said that to me.

Bezos: And then if we are feeling naughty I’ll say “Alexa, what’s the best way to stick  my [redacted] inside Lauren Sanchez’s [redacted].” You do own an Alexa, proudly manufactured by Amazon, don’t you?

In another text Bezos tells of his undying love for Sanchez.

Bezos:  I love everything about you. I love that your last pic takes me completely out of my head. I need to smell and touch you.

Sanchez:  Oh Jeff! Oh Jeff!

Bezos: Let’s get dirty, Sanchez!

Sanchez:  You’re not smearing feces on my upper lip!

One texts tells of how Bezos feels that she has made him better.

Bezos:  You make me better. You’re meant for me.

Sanchez: Oh Jeff you are so romantic.

Bezos: We can be together forever. Do you subscribe to Amazon Prime?

Sanchez: Yes. Why?

Bezos:  Because if you order my undying love now you can stream it live. Imagine my love streaming all over your face.

Sanchez:  I thought I told you anywhere but in my face!

The last text that the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ exclusively owns tells of Bezos’s desire to have their love last forever.

Bezos:  I want our love to be eternal.

Sanchez: Oh Jeff! You say the sweetest things.

Bezos: No seriously. I want our love to be eternal. That’s why I’m having my brain removed and placed in a climate-controlled chamber. I want to remove your brain and have it join mine. No longer bogged down by our Earthly bodies and existing only as pure thought and potency we shall slipstream through the singularity. Our brains will merge into one powerful brain. We shall be omnipotent and eternal.

Sanchez: Jeez. You suck a guy’s d*ck once and he gets all creepy.

Bezos, the world’s richest man, potentially can lose control of Amazon if his soon to be ex wife is granted an equal share in the company.


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