Manhattan Infidel Presents: An Intimate Chat with Senator Chuck Schumer

Not wearing pants









Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel I am pleased to present an intimate chat with Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY).

MI:  Good afternoon Senator Schumer.

CS:  Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.

MI:  Let’s cut to the chase.  The government is shut down. You and President Trump are miles apart in negotiations.

CS: Let me just say one thing:  There will be no wall!  

MI:  Many people feel that we are in a crisis and we need a wall on our southern border.


MI:  Um. Okay.

CS: No wall!  Ever!

[Nancy Pelosi enters] 

Crazy bitch








MI:  It’s the Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi!

NP:  Manhattan Infidel there will be no wall!

CS:  There will be no wall!

CS & NP:  There will be no wall! 

We are not mad, just very disappointed.










MI:  Wow. That was rather creepy when the two of you look at me like that.

NP: Manhattan Infidel I want you to know that you’re not in trouble.

MI:  Trouble?

NP:  Chuck Schumer and I aren’t angry with you. Just very disappointed.

MI: Disappointed?  Why?  Because I asked about the wall? 

You have been impure young man








CS: No. It’s because we know you have been impure.

MI: Um. What?

NP:  Impure. You’ve been touching yourself.

MI:  What the – let’s get back to talking about the wall.

NP: Now there is nothing to be embarrassed about.  Many boys your age do this.  

Many boys your age do this









CS:  I did when I was your age. A lot.

MI:  What the hell. I want to talk about the wall.

CS: You know all the self-pleasuring I did when I was younger encouraged me to go into politics.

MI:  The wall!  The wall! 

Be prepared for bleeding









CS:  When I was younger and polluting myself I sometimes used toys. Lots of fun but be prepared for bleeding.

MI:  Oh god.

NP:  Manhattan Infidel have you ever polluted yourself in a group?  That can be a lot of fun. And it will get you used to enjoying your body in front of other people. 

Polluting yourself is normal









MI:  Jesus!  I just wanted to talk about the wall.

CS & NP:  But we aren’t angry with you.  Polluting yourself is normal. And fun.

MI: I am out of here.

Jesus. I, I what the, I need to take a shower. And cut my arms off. And gouge my eyes out.


1 Comment

One Response

  1. LSP says:

    Have you noticed the similarity between Schumer and the disgraced porn star Weiner?

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