
Not wearing pants
Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel I am pleased to present an intimate chat with Senate minority leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY).
MI: Good afternoon Senator Schumer.
CS: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.
MI: Let’s cut to the chase. The government is shut down. You and President Trump are miles apart in negotiations.
CS: Let me just say one thing: There will be no wall!
MI: Many people feel that we are in a crisis and we need a wall on our southern border.
CS: THERE WILL BE NO WALL!
MI: Um. Okay.
CS: No wall! Ever!
[Nancy Pelosi enters]
Crazy bitch
MI: It’s the Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi!
NP: Manhattan Infidel there will be no wall!
CS: There will be no wall!
CS & NP: There will be no wall!
We are not mad, just very disappointed.
MI: Wow. That was rather creepy when the two of you look at me like that.
NP: Manhattan Infidel I want you to know that you’re not in trouble.
MI: Trouble?
NP: Chuck Schumer and I aren’t angry with you. Just very disappointed.
MI: Disappointed? Why? Because I asked about the wall?
You have been impure young man
CS: No. It’s because we know you have been impure.
MI: Um. What?
NP: Impure. You’ve been touching yourself.
MI: What the – let’s get back to talking about the wall.
NP: Now there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Many boys your age do this.
Many boys your age do this
CS: I did when I was your age. A lot.
MI: What the hell. I want to talk about the wall.
CS: You know all the self-pleasuring I did when I was younger encouraged me to go into politics.
MI: The wall! The wall!
Be prepared for bleeding
CS: When I was younger and polluting myself I sometimes used toys. Lots of fun but be prepared for bleeding.
MI: Oh god.
NP: Manhattan Infidel have you ever polluted yourself in a group? That can be a lot of fun. And it will get you used to enjoying your body in front of other people.
Polluting yourself is normal
MI: Jesus! I just wanted to talk about the wall.
CS & NP: But we aren’t angry with you. Polluting yourself is normal. And fun.
MI: I am out of here.
Jesus. I, I what the, I need to take a shower. And cut my arms off. And gouge my eyes out.
(105)
Have you noticed the similarity between Schumer and the disgraced porn star Weiner?