Quite the asshole

Sources on Sesame Street have informed the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ that on the Street Oscar the Grouch is perhaps “The most unpopular resident.”

“In fact we all despise the asshole” said Big Bird.

I’m just like everybody else. I’m just trying to survive day by day. I like an easy life. Part of an easy life is being polite to people and having them be polite in return. Live and let live you know. But Oscar is really annoying. First off he smells like week old salami and cheese left out to rot.  What do you expect? He’s always in the damn trash can. And nothing makes him happy. One day last spring, it was a beautiful spring day. Seventy degrees, not a cloud in the sky. I was in a good mood because of the weather and I said to Oscar, “What a great day today is, isn’t is Oscar?”  Do you know what he said in return? “Twenty percent of all Americans live below the poverty line.” Like what the hell has that to do with anything?  It’s shit like that that makes most people want to avoid him.

Sesame’s resident non-binary couple, Bert and Ernie, have their own story to tell about Oscar.

“Ernie and I treat everyone with respect. Except Republicans and Christians of course.” said Bert.

That’s the golden rule you know!  Respect. And we have tried to treat Oscar with the dignity the garbage dweller deserves. I mean he’s not a Trump supporter or anything. He’s quite politically liberal. But one day we were taking a walk and Oscar calls out from the other side of the street “Hello sodomizers!” I mean for god’s sake does he have to use language like that? In front of our adopted son no less. So yeah, we avoid him now. We won’t talk to him until time passes and we can treat him with dignity and respect again.

The Cookie Monster has problems with Oscar as well.

“I like cookies” said The Monster.

Oscar promised me cookies. And I didn’t even have to suck his d*ck to get them. Which is unusual. So I was very grateful. I thanked him for the cookies and then he says “Your cholesterol must be very high. Chances are you are going to die soon.” I didn’t know how to respond so I beat him unconscious with my spatula. And my coke spoon.

Count von Count has not talked to him since Oscar saw him carrying a math book and said “Math is an obsolete science promulgated by the white oppressor pig.”

With tensions running high a petition has been circulated and given to Kermit the Frog asking that Oscar be evicted from his trash can and banned from Sesame Street.

“Look I am not unsympathetic. He once called me a ‘Green Uncle Tom.’ “ said Kermit.

“But I just can’t evict him without due process. That is why I’m counting on Mr. Snuffleupagus. He said he’d be willing to kill Oscar for a share of The Cookie Monster’s supply. Look normally I don’t sanction murder. I haven’t since I ordered Fozzie Bear killed. But sometimes you have to work outside the law to get things done.”

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