Manhattan Infidel Presents Your How to (And Indeed Should I?) Enjoy New Year’s Eve Template™

To have fun is symbolic of white privilege

 

 

 

 

 

 

We here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ are aware that many of my readers shall be heading out tonight to enjoy New Year’s Eve.

To help my readers make sense of this racist holiday I have composed the following handy template. May it guide you well tonight.

I look forward to New Year’s Eve all year. It is a fun night to have drinks with friends and reflect on the past year

  1. It is an enjoyable night of fun, drinks and food!
  2. The only thing you should reflect upon is your white privilege!
  3. Do you know the carbon footprint of the Times Square New Year’s Eve Celebration? We are in the middle of a climate crisis!
  4. Go ahead and enjoy your drinks while polar bears drown!

I look forward to champagne and kisses at midnight!

  1. So do I!  We’ve work hard all year. Let’s enjoy ourselves!
  2. You do know champagne was invented by boy-raping monks of the Catholic Church!
  3. Try sake instead. It’s from the Orient and as such is not touched by western decadence, racism and boy-rape
  4. Cirrhosis of the liver is a very painful way to die. Stick to non-alcoholic drinks

You bring up a good point. I shall stick to non-alcoholic drinks and just enjoy my midnight kiss!

  1. Is this a heterosexual kiss? Homophobe!
  2. There are transsexuals out there who would love a midnight kiss. What about them you binary freak!
  3. Seriously. With over 64 genders that (at the moment) have been identified by scientists why confine yourself to a binary kiss?
  4. You heterosexual breeders disgust me. Stay home! Progressive society has no use for your kind!

Wow. I never realized New Year’s Eve was such a problematic holiday. What can I do to repent of my white, European, binary sins?

  1. Befriend a gay man. Have sex with him
  2. Befriend a transsexual. Have sex with z/she
  3. Befriend a dog and have sex with it. Don’t be so species-ist!
  4. Amputate your penis and learn to live as a woman

Thank you for enlightening me. I will stay home this New Year’s eve and try to lower my carbon footprint. What else can I do to help?

  1. Toilets lead to climate change. Switch to an outhouse or dig a ditch in your back yard
  2. There is a scientific correlation between light bulb usage and the melting of the Arctic ice cap. Please use only candles
  3. If it’s cold do not turn on the heat. Use blankets. And don’t even think of throwing firewood in the fireplace. Don’t you know firewood screams in agony as it burns?
  4. Vote Democrat!

There you have it. May all my readers enjoy the festivities tonight.  As long as they sit in darkness, cold and feeling non-binary that is.

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