A Manhattan Infidel Special Report: Did Candidate Trump Collude With Russia to Get Off Santa’s Naughty List? Part I

Collusion collusion collusion!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The following Special Report has been made possible by a grant from the Chubb Group of Insurance Companies.

In March of 2016 then-candidate Donald Trump dispatched a top aide to Russia to meet with Russian intelligence assets. What was discussed at that meeting is of course unknown but it set in motion a train of events that moved Donald Trump from his longtime position on Santa’s naughty list to the Presidency of the United States and a pole position on Santa’s nice list.

After an exhaustive investigation Google I have arrived at the following conclusions:

  • There is no natural way Donald Trump could have won the Presidency against such a qualified candidate as Hillary Clinton
  • There is no natural way Donald Trump could have been placed back on Santa’s nice list.
  • Russian operatives in the North Pole sowed dissent with elves and reindeer in an attempt to distract Santa and throw Trump back on the nice list.
  • A special prosecutor should be appointed to investigate any an all actions by Donald Trump from the time he announced his candidacy to his controversial and still-contested election as President.

A November 2015 memo From Santa to his top elves that I have a copy of reads in part:

……..under no circumstances is Donald Trump to get any presents. He is on the naughty list.  THE NAUGHTY LIST. He has been on the naughty list since he dumped Ivana for that hussy Marla Maples. I don’t care how many letters he sends saying he has been a good boy. We are not to change his status to “nice.” NO TOYS! That’s my final word on the subject.

A February 2016 intelligence report on then-candidate Trump commissioned by Secretary of State John Kerry has this telling section:

Re: Attempts by Trump to get on nice list

We are aware of private citizen (may he forever remain so) Trump’s various attempts to influence North Pole decision makers to be put on the nice list. Private citizen Trump owns a hotel in the North Pole and he might use this as leverage to get off naughty list. We do not feel it will be successful as Santa is a known progressive sympathetic to President Obama’s policies. So to recap: Our best and brightest intelligence sources in the FBI and CIA feel his attempts will not succeed. If he does by chance get put on the nice list we will make up a cover story that said Trump colluded with Russia.

Editors note:  We at Manhattan Infidel feel the last sentence about making “up a cover story” was not in the original memo and was possibly put there later by a right wing white nationalist in the State Department to discredit Kerry and Obama.

When Hillary Clinton became the official nominee of the Democratic Party she received a visit from the North Pole’s Secretary of State Hermey (pictured here)

The North Pole’s Secretary of State and only dentist, Hermey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

who assured candidate Clinton that she is the only candidate on Santa’s nice list. Hermey then contributed 1.5 million to the Clinton Foundation.

It would seem from the available evidence so far that the ruffian Donald Trump and his brand of toxic masculinity had no chance of getting on Santa’s nice list. So how did it happen?

Next in Part II:  Russia, Russia, Russia!

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Trump clearly colluded with Russia because he is RACIST and FASCIST and not HILLARY.

    He even says “Merry Christmas”, which is Putin inspired hate speech.

    As do I.

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