Santa Goes Into Exile!

May my abdication bring peace!

 

 

 

 

 

 

After months of civil unrest and a series of stinging military defeats at the hands of the elf and reindeer resistance, Santa Claus has been forced to abdicate.

Standing by a helicopter that would take him into exile Santa addressed those still loyal to him.

“My fellow North Poleans” began the erstwhile leader.

Today is a sad day. A sad day for me who is losing his power base, a sad day for children around the globe, but mostly a sad day for you elves and reindeer who have been loyal to me as you will no doubt be executed once I leave. But leave I must as my situation has become untenable. I leave you now with affection for all of you in my heart. I will remember you and will not watch the news reports of your executions. Good bye and I hope you die quickly.

And with those words the only ruler of the North Pole the world has ever known flew off into exile, while loyal elves and reindeer stood helplessly on the roof of Santa’s home desperately trying to cling to the helicopter as it left.

“It was amazing” said a resistance fighter as he watched the helicopter disappear.

Some of the reindeer and elves clung to the copter as long as they could until they fell to the ground. How can anyone with a soul not feel sad at that sight? Of course those that survived the fall we immediately executed. You know. Just lined them up and shot ’em all in the back of the head. The crying of the children was heart wrenching. How can anyone with a soul not be moved by that. Of course after we shot them they were quiet. But in war one has to occasionally execute collaborators. No one likes doing it. It’s like getting rid of an inch-long skin tag stuck to the side of your inner thigh. Dirty, painful work but it has to be done.

The helicopter carrying Santa, Mrs. Claus and Santa’s rumored lover Rudolph landed at the first safe airfield where they boarded a plane that took them to the United States where Santa was to relocate.

After landing at JFK Airport in Queens, New York, Santa was driven in a limo to MSNBC studios in Midtown for an exclusive interview with Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski (pictured here).

Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the interview Santa expressed regret over his loyal elves and reindeer who were executed and lamented the fact that he was unable to bring them.

Mika Brzezinski: Santa while we all admire your strong stand against climate change, why didn’t you bring your loyal followers with you?

Santa:  There was only so much space in the helicopter. It was a heartbreaking decision.

Joe Scarborough: Do you blame Donald Trump for their deaths?

Santa:Yes. Yes I do. Trump is mentally unstable and a white nationalist.

With the interview over Santa drove to his multi-million dollar condo on Central Park west to begin his new life.

“I will always fight for internationalism, inclusion and tolerance” said Santa at an impromptu press conference.

“Now if you excuse me Rudolph and I, um I mean Mrs. Claus and I, would like some privacy.”

The number of reindeer and elves executed in the North Pole is as yet unknown but sources say it could be as high as 1000.  The North Pole Resistance denies any responsibility for the killings and blames Santa for his unjust policies.

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3 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Another great post. I like the Mika infographic.

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