United Nations Peacekeepers Dispatched to North Pole!

This logo will bring peace and other diseases to the North Pole

 

 

 

 

 

With the North Pole disintegrating into civil war, the United Nations voted unanimously (Iran and Ireland abstaining) to send peacekeeping troops to the war-torn country.

The expected move was not without controversy.

“We don’t want them here” said Santa, who has been waging an increasingly bitter war to keep the elves and reindeer down.

This is an internal matter. Families have arguments. We are a family here at the North Pole. Right now the elves, reindeer and I are not on the best of terms. But I’m hoping to resolve the issue and return peace to our town. You know this whole thing could have been avoided if they (the elves and reindeer) had only agreed to pay the carbon emissions tax and not put on those silly yellow vests.

Sources say that Santa has good reason to not want the UN peacekeeping force deployed as his ruthless tactics in the civil war would be exposed. Particularly controversial is his gassing of the reindeer and elf civilians and the “psych op” warfare tactics he has deployed as a means of demoralizing the opposition, including opening up several restaurants in the North Pole that serve only venison.

“Those restaurants were a cruel blow” said one reindeer.

Almost as cruel as him deploying methane bombs over the North Pole. The smell was horrible. It burned! The female deer were gasping and collapsing in the street. I know Santa eats a lot of pizza but really! Where the hell did he get all that methane? I bet you the Chinese sold it to him.

But even the elves and reindeer have reason to not want the peacekeepers stationed in the North Pole.

“I was vacationing in Haiti once” said an elf.

What? Can’t an elf vacation in Haiti? Anyway the peacekeepers were there and we knew what they were up to. When they weren’t raping the Haitians they were giving them infectious diseases. They even raped Bill Clinton when he showed up to collect his money for the Clinton Foundation.  So yeah, I’d stay the hell away from UN peacekeepers.

Despite opposition from both sides in the war the first batch of peacekeepers is expected to arrive at the North Pole after Christmas.

“We are here to keep the peace” said the general in charge of the peacekeepers.

Keeping the peace is our top priority. Not raping anyone. Just to repeat and verify: We are here on a peacekeeping mission. Definitely not a raping mission.

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There have been multiple reports of rapes being committed in the North Pole.

“All I remember is a blue helmet and someone saying ‘Relax. I’m with the UN.’ “ said a sobbing, recently raped elf.

(17)

2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    What? Methane bombs?

    So Santa’s destroying our fragile ecosystem with his CO2 emissions?

    The sooner the UN takes over the better.

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