Third Week of Rioting Hits North Pole!

Taxes are too high!











With rioting continuing in the North Pole, Santa has asked for troops to restore order to his beleaguered workshop.

The rioting, which started in protest over Santa’s new “carbon emissions” tax has spread into a protest over the entire state of the North Pole, with many blaming Santa and calling on him to step down. Reindeer and elves, wearing their signature yellow vests, have overturned cars and set many fires in the ensuing three weeks.

“Santa’s a fat oppressor pig” said one reindeer as he set a car on fire.

We used to have a good thing going up here. We made toys for all the little boys and girls, Santa paid us well and we ruled ourselves. Everyone left us alone. Then Santa had to go to Davos for a global warming conference. Now he’s the rich man’s bitch.

“This is about more than the damn tax” said an elf as he threw a brick through a window.

Santa’s been leading us down the wrong road for awhile now. He doesn’t care about the North Pole anymore. He’s Mr. International Globalist now. He even petitioned to have the North Pole become a member of the European Union. And the bastards accepted us!  Why I don’t know. We are no where near Europe. Now we are being taxed to support the EU. I have Brussels telling me how large my bananas and apples have to be that I sell in my little shop. If they are oversized I get fined. Fined! In my own shop! When I complained to Santa you know what he said?  “It’s for the greater common good. Internationalism is the wave of the future and the nation state is dead. Nationalism is not patriotism!” What the  hell does that mean?  My passport and driver’s license say North Pole not global f*cking citizen!

With his approval rating down to 17 percent and sensing that he has lost the reindeer and elves, Santa addressed the North Pole during a live telecast.

Seated in front of several European Union flags, Santa acknowledged his mistakes and asked the North Pole citizens to “advance together to socialism.”

“My fellow North Poleans” began Santa.

The last couple weeks have been very trying and humbling for me. I have seen our great North Pole turned into a riot zone with cars on fire and overturned, shops bombed and people afraid to leave their homes. It’s a lot like the south side of Chicago but without the pizza. 

We will respond to the economic and social urgency with strong measures, by cutting taxes more rapidly, by keeping our spending under control, but not with U-turns. I will also cancel the impending tax on North Pole pensioners.

But rest assured, the North Pole needs to make sure that the rich and the big corporations pay the taxes they owe. That they pay their fare share.

While your anger is just and the people have legit concerns, no anger justifies attacking a North Pole policeman or pillaging a public place or shop. When violence breaks out, freedom is lost. We are not Detroit after all.

This discontent comes from 40 years of malaise but rest assured I am responding to that.

We are at a historical changing point in the history of our country. Through dialogue, respect, commitment we will succeed. My concern is only you, our only battle is for the North Pole.

However despite Santa’s conciliatory words many remain unconvinced.

“F*ck it. The fat man’s going down” said one balaclava-sporting elf carrying a brick.


3 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    I’m not ashamed to say it, I love everything about this post.

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