We were never funny!

The reboot of Murphy Brown, the long-running and deeply unfunny sitcom from 30 years ago has been cancelled after only 13 episodes it has been revealed.

“Sadly our show has been cancelled” said one of the show’s producers.

I guess Americans were just too stupid to understand the witty humor we use on the show. That and they were all racists. These are troubling times. With Orange Man Bad in the White House using his alt-right racist white power message to attract the racist, uneducated, uncouth white voters in flyover country our show stood as an important bulwark of freedom. Our message of trusting the elite and letting the technocrats rule over those less educated was a shining beacon of hope. But as I said the public would rather do what they want instead of following our orders. At least that’s my theory. I mentioned it at the party I went to last night when i was deciding which teenage boy to sodomize. I hate America!

The star of Murphy Brown herself, Candice Bergen, confirmed the show’s cancellation in a message to fans.

“Right now I am ashamed to be an American” said the woman born into privilege and the daughter of Hollywood royalty, Edgar Bergen.

I have lived my entire life by the principles I learned in the 1960s: Question authority (unless they are Democrats), don’t trust anyone over 30 (unless they are Democrats), drop a lot of hallucinogenics (God is a bourgeois construct) and sleep with people you’ve never met before. Of course now that I’m in my seventies I’m finding that men in their twenties aren’t interested in having sex with me. I blame the patriarchy. But anyway what was I saying? Oh yes. Racist, patriarchal America didn’t watch our show. I can’t understand why. We were smug. We had jokes about Trump. We represented the spirit of the 1960s. We liked Hillary Clinton. We represented the resistance to Donald Trump and the racists who voted for him. We were preachy and deeply unfunny. Why wouldn’t people want to watch us?

All but one of the original cast of the show that was never funny to begin with signed up for the even worse reboot.  Robert Pastorelli, who played house painter Eldin Bernecky, died of a drug overdose in 2004.

“It’s just as well he wasn’t in the reboot” said Bergen.

This was a show about the brave elite fighting Donald Trump and his racism. To put a working class character into the mix would have just muddled our message of resistance and trusting the elite. You know that’s what’s wrong with America today. The working class doesn’t listen to us. They are too concerned with getting overtime and paying bills. Selfish of them really.

While the cast insists that the deeply unfunny reboot of the deeply unfunny sitcom from the 1980s and 1990s was cancelled because of Donald Trump many insist that the deeply unfunny reboot of the deeply unfunny sitcom was simply too deeply unfunny for anyone to watch.

“Watching the show was like having a hairy, greasy 400 pound man fart in your face. It was totally unnecessary” said one critic.

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