He’s dead? That means we can use him to embarrass Trump!

George Herbert Walker Bush, former ambassador to the UN, former CIA director and 41st president of the United States died Friday evening at his home in Houston.

“I might as well say it: We are not sorry he’s dead” said a producer at one of the four mainstream TV news bureaus.

Bush in and of himself is just another Republican. And you know how evil they are. I’d shoot them all myself but I hate icky guns and have devoted my life to banning them. But Bush is important the same way John McCain was important: We can use Bush to attack our current president, who I will not even mention by name. How did he ever get elected? We have to suppress the vote of Republicans so they never get into office. We’ve even considered hiring Megan McCain to speak at the funeral to say bad things about Trump. She wouldn’t even have to change the script much. Just change “my daddy” to “George Bush.”  We’d even feed her. I hear she likes hot dogs. Lots of them. We can stuff them intravenously into her arm as she’s speaking. It’s important we do this. Embarrassing Trump is a noble thing. It’s good for the country. It’s good for the Democrats. And what’s good for the Democrats is good for the country.

The four network news bureaus are also in discussions with Hollywood executives about recreating moments of Bush’s life that they can play during the funeral.

He lived a productive and adventurous life. Many highlights. Naturally we aren’t interested in any of this. But we do know that he hated Trump as much as we do. We can work with that. So we are going to have our friends in Hollywood invent some stuff about Bush’s life that will be fake, yet accurate, in its portrayal of his hatred of Trump. I’ve already talked to George Clooney and he’s agreed to write and direct a short film where Trump shoots down Bush’s plane in the Pacific during World War II. And Sean Penn will direct a segment where he plays Trump putting drops in Bush’s salad in Japan that make him vomit on the Prime Minister. We will play these clips during the funeral, probably when they are switching out the hot dog IV on Megan McCain, to remind America that what is important is we all unite around our hatred of Trump.

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Megan McCain, daughter of the late senator John McCain, has been hospitalized after her hot dog I.V. malfunctioned and overloaded her system with ballpark franks.

“Well that sucks. Where are we going to find a fat Trump hater on such short notice? I wonder if Lena Dunham is available?” said a network news anchor.

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