Manhattan Infidel Presents the Offical Transcript of the Brett Kavanaugh Confirmation Hearings, Part V

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Tread lightly. I can kill you all with my hands

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow what a week it’s been. Manhattan Infidel has spared no expense beer to provide his readers with the facts about the disgustingly partisan shit show confirmation hearings of Brett Kavanaugh.

But fear no more readers. It’s Friday. You’ve done well. Now sit back and relax during the weekend. I suggest going to a party, drinking and groping.  Don’t worry. You won’t lose your job over it.

Today I shall focus on the woman who got it all started,

Totally not a Chinese spy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dianne “I am not a spy for the Chinese” Feinstein and her attempts to save the Republic her Senate seat.

DF: Judge Kavanaugh it is my understanding that you have denied the allegations by Dr. Ford.

BK: Yes.

DF: If you are confident in your position why aren’t you also asking the FBI to investigate this claim?

BK: Senator I wanted a hearing the day the allegation came up.

DF: You mean the day I leaked the letter to the press. Not that I’m saying I leaked the letter to the press. But I did leak the letter to the press.

BK: What?

DF:  I said I leaked Dr. Ford’s letter to the press. But I definitely did not leak it to the press, destroying your reputation. Which would have happened if I had leaked it to the press. Which I did. But I didn’t.

BK: What the hell are you saying?  Are you responsible for putting my family through hell?

DF: I would have. If I had leaked the letter. Which I didn’t. But I definitely did.

BK: Goddammit.

DF: I also have had a Chinese spy working for me for the past 20 years and I have given him top secret, classified information. Only I never did that. Except when I was giving him classified information.

BK: You’re a Chinese spy?

DF: Yes I am. But I am not a Chinese spy. Senator Patrick Leahy is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I’ve ever known in my life.

BK: Senator whether you are a Chinese spy or not is not why we are here. I am here to defend my reputation against these slurs.

DF: Why don’t you pass the time by playing a little solitaire?

BK: Solitaire?  What the hell are you talking about?

DF:  I’m sure you’ve all heard the old wives’ tale that no hypnotized subject may be forced to do that which is repellent to his moral nature, whatever that may be. Nonsense of course.

BK: Yes. Yes I have. Have you been brainwashed Senator?  Is this a cry for help?

DF: The virus of capitalism is highly infectious.

BK: Um. 

DF: Do you know who I dislike least on the Judiciary Committee?

BK: No ma’am.

 DF: It is Senator Kamala Harris. She’s so young. So pretty. I shall now take this scarf and strangle Senator Harris. To death.

[She proceeds to strangle Senator Harris to death]

BK: Jesus Christ!

[The Committee Room erupts in panic]

DF: Judge Kavanaugh, did you just strangle Senator Harris?

BK: No. You did.

DF: Why do you oppose an FBI investigation into your strangling of Senator Harris?

BK: I didn’t strangle her!  YOU DID!

DF: You mustn’t raise your voice. I may begin to think you don’t have the temperament to be a judge.

And so ends my week-long review of the confirmation hearing of Brett Kavanaugh. Enjoy your weekend. But always have witnesses!

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2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Well that was shocking!

    I liked the Kamala bit, especially.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Kamala? You mean the 2020 Democratic candidate for president? (Assuming the Cherokee warrior Elizabeth Warren doesn’t win the nomination.)

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