Tread lightly. I can kill you all with my hands

Because I know my  readers want only porn the truth I now continue my series containing highlights from the official transcripts of Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearing.

Today I shall focus on the questions posed by Cory “Spartacus” Booker (D-NJ)

These are the hands I use to grope women

and his attempt to prove that his groping incident was not as bad as the alleged groping incident of Kavanaugh.

CB: Good afternoon Judge Gropey Hands.

BK: Um. That’s Judge Kavanaugh.

CB: Whatever Gropey McGrope Grope.  We know you’re guilty. Guilty of the worse rapes and sexual perversions ever seen in the history of mankind. From someone that wasn’t a Democratic senator that is. And I’m not talking about my fellow New Jersey senator Bob Menendez.

BK: Senator I am innocent of these allegations. I have never in my life groped a woman in the manner I have been accused of.

CB: You claim you’ve never groped anyone?

BK:  Never.

CB: Well I have!  

BK: Um. Okay.

CB: I admit I have groped women in the past when I was 15 to show the difference between you and me. My groping incident profoundly changed me. After that incident, an incident I am profoundly ashamed of, I have dedicated my life to empowering women and treating them with respect.  Except for the Dominican prostitutes my fellow New Jersey senator Bob Menendez provides me. But that’s just common sense.

BK: Senator I am inspired by your narrative of personal growth but what has this to do with me?

CB: Would you like to hear about my groping incident? With the ‘Top Gun’ slogan ringing in my head, I slowly reached for her breast.  After having my hand pushed away once, I reached my ‘mark.’ I grabbed her breast. I grabbed and grabbed and grabbed. Then I felt guilty. It was a wake up call.

BK: Senator why are you telling me this?

CB: To show the difference between you, a rapist who carries on a war against women, and me, an enlightened, feminist Democrat who always treats women with respect, excepting the Dominican prostitutes that Bob Menendez gives me.

BK: Senator as I have stated before I am innocent of these allegations.

CB: Judge I want you to look at this photo of me. It was taken just after I groped this woman.  

Not Cory Booker

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BK: Senator that’s a photo of Gerard Butler from 300.

CB: No. That’s me. I am ripped. What woman can resist being groped by me, a liberal Democrat who respects women and treats them with dignity, excepting the Dominican prostitutes that Bob Menendez sends over to my place.

BK: I don’t understand the point you are trying to make.

CB: The point is that I have dedicated my life to women’s rights, excepting the Dominican prostitutes Bob Menendez shares with me, and you are a brutish rapist. 

BK: Senator I –

CB: Enough. You make me sick. I am out of here.  If anyone needs me I’ll be at Bob Menendez’s place.

[Booker stands up and drops his mic and plays an applause track on his iPhone]

And there you have it. Our Republican form of government in action. Tomorrow: Part 3! (That’s Part III for you rigid Latin types.)

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