My Exclusive Interview with Jake Tapper

I have evidence that Trumps penis is mushroom shaped

 

 

 

 

 

 

Being a respected, credentialed member of the MSM (see my Bert and Ernie piece that scooped CBS by two days) I often meet my fellow brave truth-telling reporters at whorehouses social events and ask them if they would like to be interviewed by me. The answer is always a resounding unless this involves cocaine and a hooker’s ass I don’t want to know yes.

And so today I am pleased to interview legendary CNN reporter Jake Tapper.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Tapper.

JT: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel. It’s a pleasure to be here. Two gentlemen from the MSM discussing truth and facts.

MI: Yes. Truth and facts.

JT:  In the best tradition of Edward R. Murrow.

MI: Yes. And in the best tradition of Edward R. Murrow what would you like to dis-

JT: DONALD TRUMP’S PENIS!

MI: Um. What?

JT: DONALD TRUMP’S PENIS IS SHAPED LIKE A MUSHROOM!

MI: Where did you get this information?

JT: Stormy Daniels told me! Stormy’s a feminist hero! I like her. She gives me lap dances! I think she likes me!

MI: Yes.  But do you think talking about Donald Trump’s penis makes one a brave truth teller?

JT: All we mean girls talk about Donald Trump’s penis. It’s fun!

MI: But I think my readers would like it if I talked to you about more substantive issues.

JT: I have pictures of Donald Trump’s penis!  Stormy gave them to me. And if you can’t trust a woman who lets men she’s never met before stick their penis into her vagina on camera for money who can you trust?

MI:  I never thought of it that way.

JT: See!  Look at this photo Stormy gave me. It does look like a mushroom!

[He hands Manhattan Infidel a photo]

MI: Um. That IS a mushroom. 

JT: Oh. What about this photo?

[He hands Manhattan Infidel another photo]

MI: That’s a mushroom cloud. Over Hiroshima.

JT: What about this photo?

[He hands Manhattan Infidel yet another photo]

MI: That penis is black.

JT: I don’t understand. Why would Stormy do this to me?  Why would that brave truth-telling feminist icon give me bad intel?

MI: I don’t know.

JT: Wait. What about this photo?

[He hands Manhattan Infidel another photo]

MI: Um. This penis is very small.

JT: Sorry. That’s a photo of my penis.

MI: Look if it’s all the same to you I’d rather not look at any more photos of penises.

JT: But I have a thumb drive here. I have over 120 GB of dick pics I want to show you. One of them has to be Donald Trump’s.

MI: Why do you have 120 GB of dick photos?

JT: Um. Research.

MI: Right. I’m out of here.

JT: Wait. before you go can I take a photo of your penis? For my collection?

MI: No.

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Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News

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CNN has announced a new Prime Time show called “The Hunt for Donald Trump’s Penis” to be hosted by Jake Tapper, Stormy Daniels and Michael Anenatti.

“We will find Trump’s penis. Democracy dies in darkness without photos of Donald Trump’s penis” said CNN President Jeff Zucker.

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