There must be more female shooters

Reacting to a slate of recent active shooter events, the National Organization of Woman (“NOW”) will try to increase female representation in the growing active shooter movement.

“Every time there is a mass shooting it seems the perpetrator is male” said NOW President Terry O’Neill.

Always men. I see the news and they said “male shooter” and I keep thinking “Why can’t that be a woman?”  It just goes to show you that the civil rights of women are under attack in the year 2018. I blame Donald Trump. He wants to keep up barefoot and tied to a stove, without any rights, while the men go around shooting everybody up. I say it’s time we took back our right to kill. NOW demands shooting equality for women.  Shooting equality now. Shooting equality tomorrow!  Shooting equality forever!

Meeting with Democratic leaders on Capitol  Hill, O’Neill thanked them for their support.

When I mentioned that 94 percent of all shooters are male, Nancy Pelosi said that it was a travesty and that she will do all in her power to bring about female murderer equality. Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Sonia Sotomayor were at the meeting also. Ruth said that she hoped that a “Marshall Plan” to increase female shooters was passed by Congress. She also talked about her memories of the original Marshall Plan when she flew B-52s into West Berlin.  Sonia said that she hoped that increase in female shooters would also include Hispanic women, who would, as she said, bring their own special Latina wisdom to mass shootings. And with support like this we can overcome Donald Trump and white male shooter privilege.

As part of their plan for female shooter equality, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has announced a 500 billion bill to fund female mass shooter training throughout the United States.

“We must have female mass shooters” said the once and future House Majority Leader.

It’s in the Constitution. I think. I’ve never read it but I’m sure it’s there. That’s why we need this female shooter bill to pass. I’m hazy on the details of the bill and that’s why we have to pass it to see what’s in it.

The female active shooters bill is expected to meet opposition from white men in the Republican party, who are too busy groping and raping women to want them to become equal mass shooters.

“I am not unopposed to equal rights for women” said the evil Mitch McConnell, who’s forked tongue revealed the hatred he holds for women in his heart.

But I think this female active shooter bill is a bridge too far. Instead of focusing on increasing the number of women active shooters we should be focusing on stopping all active shooting events.

Isn’t that just like the white man? Always trying to repeal our rights!

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Brett Kavanaugh’s mother has come out in favor of the female active shooter bill.

“If only Christine Blasey Ford had a gun when my son groped her. Naturally I’d miss my son but as a woman I would applaud Christine’s bold shooting for equality.”

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