Socialism is a compassionate system that allows us to make economic progress

With the Democratic Socialist Party of America having a majority in both houses of Congress, Americans are bracing for record-breaking food shortages during the winter.

“People have to ask themselves how important it is to eat every day” said Nancy Pelosi (Democratic Socialist-CA), the Speaker of the House.

Who wants to eat every day?  Selfish people. That’s who. People who only think about their own bellies. What Americans have to understand is that  we are a more compassionate people now. Sure the shelves in the supermarkets are empty. But that is only because once we nationalized the trucking industry the selfish truckers refused to deliver food at their new government-approved salary. That is why we had them all shot. But once we import more Hispanics from Central America to be our truckers, and believe me Hispanics know a thing or two about driving fast, the food will be delivered again. Ask any American. They approve of socialism.

Indeed an independent and fair survey from the Socialist New York Times (all the news that’s fit to redistribute) shows that 93 percent of Americans approve of socialism and welcome food shortages. The other seven percent who oppose socialism were not available having been shot.

“I haven’t eaten in two months” said one typical American chosen totally at random for her truthful feelings on socialism.

I’m dying of starvation and have dysentery. I spend most of my days dehydrated from diarrhea. But I am thankful for all the many benefits of socialism. It is a compassionate system that allows us to make economic progress. I’m not just saying that because I’m afraid of being shot. I’ve lost 65 pounds and am so thin the firing squad would probably miss me. Now my late husband on the other hand, I remember telling him “just tell them you love socialism. You’re so fat the firing squad can’t miss.”  And they didn’t.  But like I said, yay socialism. Now if you excuse me I have to vomit and pass out.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, (Democratic Socialist-NY) believes that the United States is on the verge of a socialist workers paradise.

“Soon class distinctions will disappear” she said while directing a firing squad.

Capitalism is the root of all evil. As long as the means of production are in private hands there will be inequity. And inequality leads to class warfare. And class warfare is the opposite of socialism, where all races, creeds and classes live together in harmony. At least the ones that haven’t been shot that is.

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Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news

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The compassionate socialist government of the United States has announced that all firing squad executions have been temporarily postponed.

“We have a shortage of bullets” said the head of the Department of Execution.

“We might have to buy some from Venezuela or dig up the executed and take the bullets out and reuse them. But this is only temporary.”

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