Nice place to visit but I wouldn’t want to live there

At a press conference at City Hall, Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. (stage name Bill DeBlasio) officially announced what all New Yorkers long suspected:  They are way too many Mexicans playing guitar on our subways.

“As many New Yorkers would know there are lots of Mexicans in our city” said the Mayor.

I wasn’t aware of this seeing as I’m not in the city that often. But I was at a meeting, yeah, I know but I have to attend a few of these a year just to pretend I care, and one of my deputy mayors handed me some statistics. I was shocked when I read it because according to the memo New York City now has more Mexicans than Mexico. I am proud of this fact. It shows us the strength of our open borders policy, which is threatened by Donald Trump who is literally Hitler. And why shouldn’t Mexicans come to this city? These gentle yet very short people just want what all New Yorkers want: A chance to stand in line at In and Out Burger to buy their crappy overpriced food. Now if you excuse me I’ve already spent almost three hours in New York, which is far longer than I usually do. It is time for me to travel the country, showing Americans how tall I am.

Before leaving for parts of the country not named New York City, Mayor Wilhelm Jr. announced he is creating a new department called “City Department of Mexicans” which will have full authority over all Mexicans in the City. Jennifer Lopez has been placed in charge of the new agency.

“Yes I know she’s not Mexican” said the mayor before boarding a flight out of New York.

But she is taller than Mexicans. I like that. I was in Mexico once. I took this very short child and put him on my knee, just to show him he shouldn’t be afraid of white people. We aren’t all Donald Trump who is literally Hitler. Unfortunately it turned out the short child I placed in my lap was actually the Mexican president. Boy did I have huevos rancheros on my face. Like I said, they are a short race. Anyway I’m out of here. See you next year New York.

The new City Department of Mexicans  then announced that the entire population of Mexico was now singing on the subway.

“That may seem like a large number” said the Vice Head of the Department of Mexicans.

When I mention the entire population of Mexico are here people automatically think “That’s a lot of people and can I get some pot?”  But fortunately for us the entire population of Mexico is only 2,356 people. Everyone else has been killed by drug cartels. So if you see any one of these 2,356 people let them know New York City is a welcoming community. We don’t even care that they are so short as long as they don’t intermarry with Dominicans since Dominicans are taller.

As for the now totally empty Mexico, Mayor Warren Wilhelm Jr. announced that he will be living there for the rest of his term in office.

“The views are fantastic and there are no more short people to trip over.”

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