SPARTACUS I AM! I AM SPARTACUS! AND HENRY THE VIII I AM I AM

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing the junior senator from the great state of New Jersey and possible Democratic presidential candidate, none other than Cory Booker himself.

MI: Good afternoon Senator Booker.

CB: OUR COUNTRY IS IN CRISIS!

MI: Yeah, um it’s Monday. Do you mind not screaming at me?

CB: But we are in crisis! If Kavanaugh is confirmed millions of women will die!  They will die!

MI: Don’t you think your rhetoric is over the top?

CB: Over the top?  Over the top?  We are in crisis! This is such a crisis I am willingly risking going to jail to expose the truth!

MI: Jail?

CB: Yes. See this mattress?  I am ripping the tag off!  I am ripping the tag right off now! I am ripping the tag off because I believe in social justice. I am not afraid of the police. I am not afraid of the man!  Come get me!  I’m willingly risking my freedom here!  I HAVE RIPPED THE TAG OFF YOU MOTHERF*CKERS!  Come and  get me!

MI: You’re a very brave man.

CB: Goddamn right I’m brave. I’m the bravest motherf*cker I know!

MI: I stand in awe of your bravery.

CB: I’m brave!  I’M MOTHERF*CKING SPARTACUS!  I…….AM……SPARTACUS!   I…..AM…..SPARTACUS!

[Pause]

CB: Well?

MI: Well what?

CB: You’re supposed to say you are Spartacus too!  That way when the man comes to arrest me they won’t know which one of us is actually the brave motherf*cking Spartacus. Say it!  Say it!  I……AM…….SPARTACUS!

MI: I’m not saying that.

CB: Have it your way. You’re not as brave as I am. Do you know who else I am besides Spartacus?

MI: No. Who?

CB: I’m Henry the VIII I am!

MI: What?

CB: I’m Henry The Eighth, I am! Henry The Eighth I am, I am! I got married to the widow next door. She’s been married seven times before.

MI: What the hell are you rambling on about.

CB: Come on!  Sing along!  Second verse, same as the first! I’m Henry The Eighth, I am! Henry The Eighth I am, I am! I got married to the widow next door. She’s been married seven times before.

MI: I’ll just back away slowly.

CB:  Come on!  Sing with me! That way when the police arrive to arrest me they won’t know who is Henry the VIII.

MI:  I think they will take a guess and assume it’s the one singing “I’m Henry the VIII I am.”

CB: Take on me…..

MI: What the hell? Now what?

CB: Talking away. I don’t know what I’m to say. I’ll say it anyway. Today is another day to find you. Shying away. I’ll be coming for your love. OK? Take on me (take on me. Take me on (take on me). I’ll be gone in a day or two.

[Several police enter]

Policeman: Where is the insane man?

MI: He’s over there singing.

CB: You can’t arrest me.  I’m  singing an A-ha tune!  I’m in a cartoon! You can’t take me away! I’m Cory motherf*cking Booker, bravest man this side of the the Rockies!

[The police take Senator Booker away]

And so ended my interview with Spartacus.  No wait. I’m Spartacus!  Goddamn it now he has me doing it.

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