Evil Spock From Mirror Universe Shaves Goatee; Chaos Ensues

Not inherently evil but made so by his facial hair









Lieutenant Commander Spock of the evil mirror universe has shaved his goatee.

“I had a long talk with Kirk” said the formerly pure evil Spock.

Not my Kirk but the one from the good universe. He told me that my universe was illogical and cannot endure.  That got me. Bastard hit a nerve by playing the logical card on me. He knows no Vulcan can resist it. But it got me to thinking. What if he were correct? What if this violent universe were illogical and could not survive?  Perhaps a change could take place and we could become less brutal? And how would we become less brutal? That’s when I decided to shave my goatee. Because it’s my goatee that makes me evil. That’s a totally logical assessment.

Indeed after Spock became clean shaven crew members aboard the Enterprise noticed a significant drop in Spock’s evil behavior.

“Spock used to love to torture me with the agonizer” said one crewman.

I remember once I was sloppy at the controls of the transporter and Spock damn near killed me with the agonizer. The whole time I could see his goatee out of the corner of my eye.  Damn evil goatee. But yeah, I’ve been agonized so many times by Spock. But since he shaved it’s different. I screwed up again at the transporter. Normally he wouldn’t hesitate to use the agonizer on me. But this time he just put his hand on my shoulder and  said “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you’ll do better next time.” Don’t get me wrong. I like how he’s trying to encourage me and build up my confidence. But now that he’s not so evil I kind of have less respect for him.

Another crew member tells a similar tale.

“I tried to assassinate Captain Kirk” said Ensign Chekov.

No agony booth for me!

I was unsuccessful. Normally that would land me a round in the agony booth. At the top agony inducing level. For a long period of time. I was prepared for the agony booth when Spock intercepted me. He asked me if I was sorry for trying to assassinate Kirk. I wasn’t but hell I’ll play along. I said yeah I was. That’s when Spock put his hand on my shoulder and said “As long as you’re sorry we’ll forget it ever happened” and he let me go. I guess I should be thankful. But without the goatee he’s just weak. I’ll probably assassinate him next week. Then I’ll throw all my enemies in the agony booth. See how they like it!

Sans goatee and with the formerly pure evil Spock acting almost like middle level management evil, discipline on the Enterprise has suffered, leading to much crew grumbling.

“I should take over the ship” said Sulu.

Pure gay evil

If no one wants to be evil anymore I’ll do it. I’m evil. Very evil. How evil am I? I’m a gay man who spends most of his time trying to hook up with Uhuru. If that isn’t evil then I don’t know what evil is.

Spock acknowledges that some of the crew have had trouble adjusting to his new mild persona but says that in the long run the Enterprise will be better.

“Without that evil goatee I find I no longer want to hurt people. The crew will thank me. Or kill me. I hope it’s the former. Killing me would be logical but sometimes you just have to say ‘Logic be damned.’ “


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Yet another shameless episode in cis gender stereotyping. Report yourself, Infidel.

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