Ain’t no hanging with the Dagos here!

From the desk of former President Barack Obama:

On February 20, 2009, a date that shall live in infamy, the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the blog called Manhattan Infidel. The United States was at peace with Manhattan Infidel and, at the solicitation of Manhattan Infidel, was still in conversation with the guy who runs the blog, you know, the guy who never wears pants, looking toward the maintenance of peace.

No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory over Manhattan Infidel!

I believe that I interpret the will of the Congress and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us. Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger.

With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph—so help us God.

Jeesh Barry it’s just a blog. No one reads it anyway. You don’t have to get all alpha male on me!

And on that note we at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ open up our mailbag and read congratulatory notes from our readers on our ninth year.

M.P. formerly of Confederate Maryland now residing in New York City writes “They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way!”

Hmm.  And all this time I thought the Chicago Way was letting dead people vote Democrat.

C.H.E. of swamp-ridden, alligator-infested, hurricane-ravaged Florida writes “Ah, I knew it. That’s all you need, one thieving wop on the team.”

Please refrain from racial slurs. Unless they are directed at the Dutch of course.

A.P., a deplorable from Poughkeepsie, New York and currently under NSA surveillance writes  “You stinking Irish shit pig.”

What did I say about racial slurs? You think you were Latvian or something.

L.T. of the savage land of Astoria writes “You just fulfilled the first rule of having a blog: make sure when your shift is over you go home still wearing pants. Here endeth the lesson.”

Um. Yeah, sorry about not wearing pants. It’s just a thing  you know.

O.B. of the soon-to-secede state of California writes “I’m going to see you burn, you son of a bitch, because you killed my friend!”

Whoa calm down pal. You think you I was Dutch or something!

D.B. of Philadelphia, home to the Superbowl winning Eagles and also the town that booed Santa Claus writes “I said your friend died screaming like a stuck Irish pig. Now you think about that when I beat the rap.”

What is with all these racial slurs? Race baiting is only acceptable when directed towards the Dutch. Though I don’t like the Danish bastards either. So they are included. And don’t get me started on those Swedish bastards. I’m telling you don’t make a maniac out of me!

S.D. formerly of Manhattan now residing in Minneapolis (but who did not attend the Superbowl) writes “Me and the bookkeeper are walking out of here, getting into a car, and driving away.” 

Well as long as the car is a hybrid I don’t care. Also, is the bookkeeper Welsh by any chance? I hate those bastards.

Fancy smancy artist T.S. of Queens writes “I’m gonna tell you something. Somebody messes with me, I’m gonna mess with with him. Somebody steals from me, I’m gonna say you stole. Not talk to him for spitting on the sidewalk.”

Spitting on the sidewalk? You must be German. God I hate the Germans. Not as much as the Dutch or the Irish of course. But they are bastards. And what’s with the David Hasselhoff fetish they have?

LSP of Lone Star Parson writes “I want you to find this Nancy-boy Manhattan Infidel, I want him dead! I want his family dead! I want his house burned to the ground! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna piss on his ashes!”

You’re English, correct?  I expect language like that from the Scottish but not an Englishman. God how I hate the Scottish! Granted they aren’t as bad as the Dutch, Latvians, Danish and Welsh but they aren’t far behind.

Bob of Bob’s Blog writes “A man becomes preeminent, he’s expected to have enthusiasms. Enthusiasms, enthusiasms… What are mine? What draws my admiration? What is that which gives me joy? Baseball!”

You know who doesn’t like baseball?  Those French bastards. I wish the Dutch would invade and take over the country.

And there you have it.  My mailbox celebrating nine years of  Manhattan Infidel. Will there be nine more years?  I only know one thing:

Italians will always bring knives to a gun fight!

Now get out you dago bastard!  Go on get your ass outta here!

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