Is there nothing the white man won’t culturally appropriate?

In a stunning blow to Cosplay participants everywhere Godzilla has asked that people refrain from using his image this Halloween.

“Just stop it. Will you?  Just stop dressing as me” said Godzilla in a statement released through his agent.

I’m pretty easy going. I’m not like a lot of Hollywood stars who are full of themselves. I haven’t copyrighted my image. I’m not going to send a team of lawyers after some middle class Joe Schmoe who happened to dress like me at a Comic Con. That’s not me, man. I don’t have armed security and I always sign autographs (well, I would if my tiny arms weren’t such useless appendages). But I feel I must draw the line with these Godzilla costumes. First off they don’t even look like me. I don’t have a zipper down my back. I don’t see through my mouth either. But most importantly dressing as me is racist. It is. It’s total cultural appropriation. What right does a white person have to dress as me? I’m Japanese. The white man dropped nuclear bombs on my country. We had legitimate historical grievances against the west. You cut off our oil supply. That’s why we went to war. To survive.

Godzilla’s new-found radicalism has surprised and angered many of his fans.

“I brought my son with me to last year’s Comic Con” said one man.

My son loves Godzilla. He like to run around the house pretending he’s attacking Tokyo shouting “roar, roar.” It’s all good fun. So when I heard that Godzilla would be at Comic Con I saved up my money and bought some tickets. On the day he was going to be there we got in line early. My son was so excited. He was going to meet his hero. So when we get to the front of the line you know what he says? He says “Kid do you know what radiation from an atomic bomb does to the human body? If you’re not incinerated the skin peels off. After a week you develop sores that are very painful. You can’t keep food down. Soon you are begging for death.”  My son starts crying and Godzilla raises his left hand and makes a fist. “This is is for the brothers” he says.  I mean what the f*ck? I don’t care what your politics are. You’re an entertainer. Keep your mouth shut and entertain us!

Despite criticism from fans and possible loss of sponsorship deals Godzilla vows to maintain his new principles. His most recent Comic Con convention was greeted with boos after he took a knee during the National Anthem.

“It ain’t my national anthem” said Godzilla.  “To me it’s a symbol of oppression.”

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