I know what girls want. Girls want me!

From time to time at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I turn my pages over to a guest columnist. I am honored to have Hollywood heavyweight Harvey Weinstein who will talk about proper etiquette when flirting with the ladies, a subject I know many of us want to know more about.  Take it away Harvey!

Thank you Manhattan Infidel. As a sophisticated world traveler I pride myself on a few things: My ability with languages, my knowledge of fine wines and local customs and of course, how to flirt with ladies all over the world.

How does one get as many ladies as I have?  How does one achieve such success?

There are three easy steps I follow that I believe will dramatically increase your luck with the ladies.  They are as follows:

1. Always wear a bathrobe.  Sounds simple right?  It worked for Hef for so many years. Yet men often forget about this simple trick. A bathrobe creates a sense of intimacy, yet also a sense of mystery.  Why am I wearing a bathrobe in the middle of the day? What do I have under my bathrobe? Is that a pile of cocaine on the coffee table behind me? If you smoke a pipe feel free to use it while wearing a bathrobe to add an air of sophistication.
2. Masturbation, masturbation, masturbation! Many men hesitate to use this time-honored way of breaking the ice when meeting the ladies.  When I meet an attractive young lady for the first time I often take my penis out and gratify myself in front of them.  You should see the looks on their faces. They seem intrigued by my actions. It is a well-known fact that attractive young women enjoy watching older, overweight men pleasure themselves. It makes them feel safe. And a women who feels safe around you will be more likely to let you do step three:
3. Grab them by the back of their neck and force your penis into their mouth! Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen. Do I really have to say it? This flirting technique never fails. Don’t be shy about it. Just grab them and force your member down their throat. They may protest but it’s simply for show. All young, attractive women secretly love it when an overweight, much older man who hasn’t showered in days forces his penis into their mouth. It lets them know that I am confident. And confidence is sexy. If you can arrange it climax on their face. Man juice is love juice.  Then give them a moist towelette to clean themselves up (manners are sexy too), fifty dollars and usher them out the door. Shows over honey.

Yes. Just follow these three easy steps and you too can be successful as I am with the ladies. And call now and get my DVD “Bathrobe, masturbation and forced fellatio” for only $19.95.  Fifty percent of all proceeds go to the Democratic National Committee.

Together we can fight the Republican war on women!

Thank you.

Um.  Thank you Harvey. I have to admit I have not followed these steps. I guess I’m just not that sophisticated.

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