Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing Hollywood mover and shaker Harvey Weinstein.
MI: Good afternoon Mr. Weinstein.
HW: Sorry. Force of habit.
MI: Okay. Let’s talk about the recent allegations against you.
HW: Is this about the murders?
MI: Um. No.
HW: Okay then forget I mentioned that.
MI: No I was referring to the allegations of sexual harassment that have recently come to light.
HW: In my defense let me say that I came of age in the 1970s. Times were different then. There were no rules. Back then you could expose yourself to a woman you’ve never met before and masturbate in front of her. When did we become such prudes?
MI:I think there’s more to it than simply being a prude. Pleasuring yourself in front of a woman who doesn’t consent is rude.
HW: Rude? Come on! That’s not rude. Now when I grabbed them and forced my penis into their mouth that might be rude. I don’t think so however. The forced anal sex? You could possibly say that was rude. I don’t think so. Photographing them as they fellate me and then showing the photos to other people just to humiliate the actresses? No. Not rude. Just normal behavior among my kind.
MI: Your kind?
HW: Super donors to the Democratic party.
HW: I’ve given millions to the Democratic party. I’m pro-abortion. That means when I masturbate in front of a woman or force her to fellate me it’s all good. My abortion rights stance means I’m very pro-woman.
MI: I don’t think that’s how it works.
HW: Yes. It’s how it works.
[Matt Damon enters]
MD: Leave Harvey alone! Leave Harvey alone!
[Damon kicks Manhattan Infidel in the shins and leaves]
MI: What the hell was that?
HW: My friends in Hollywood will protect me. We Hollywoodians are well-known for our loyalty to each other. You see I am untouchable.
MI: But you’ve just been fired!
HW: That’s for public relations only. The studio has to protect itself from the hicks and rubes who inhabit America. You know – the puritans who are anti-abortion and have never masturbated in front of a woman they’ve never met before.
MI: I see.
[Bill Clinton enters]
BC: Harvey we’re late for the……..pizza party.
BC: Yes we’re going to have lots of fresh, underage……pizza.
HW: I can’t wait to masturbate in front of the fresh, underage…….pizza!
BC: [Pointing to Manhattan Infidel] Who is this?
HW: He’s not one of us. He’s one of those puritanical rubes who inhabit America. He’s never masturbated in front of a woman he’s never met before.
MI: Well not since they cleaned up Times Square.
HW & BC: We’re off to get some fresh, underage…….pizza.
I guess Harvey Weinstein is right. I am a puritanical rube. I like pizza but I would never eat pizza without consent.