Otherworldly hero Superman, angered by white privilege and institutional racism, took a knee today instead of reversing the orbit of the Earth and saving his significant other, Lois Lane.
“It really wasn’t that difficult a decision” said the caped superhero.
Fighting for truth, justice and the American way used to mean something. But since Russia colluded with Donald Trump I find myself wondering what exactly is justice? I’m angry dammit and frightened by what is happening to America. America is a great country. Or it used to be. I have received nothing but kindness from Americans since I crashed into a cornfield in the Midwest. Land stolen, by the way, from the Native Americans. In good conscience I can no longer fight for truth, justice and the American way without fighting for social justice as well.
Superman is well aware that he may lose his fan base by taking a knee. Nervous sponsors have urged him to abandon his protests and concentrate on helping people.
“I have to protect my bottom line” said one sponsor.
We have a contract with Superman that we intend to honor. But if he continues these protests with our name being so closely attached to his people might stop using our product. If this happens we might have to consider not renewing our contract. Look no one’s saying he doesn’t have the right to protest police brutality and the slaying of unarmed black people. Diversity is what made America great. We just don’t want him to unnecessarily politicize fighting for truth, justice and the American way.
Despite unease from Superman’s sponsors and fans of his threatening to ask Batman for help instead, he has vowed to continue his protests.
I will take a knee until white police officers stop killing black men. I will take a knee as long as there is income inequality in America. I will take a knee until rich people pay their fare share of taxes. Slavery, the extermination of the native American and the imprisonment of Japanese Americans in prison camps during World War II is the legacy of America. Actually I probably shouldn’t mention the Japanese internment thing. That was done by a Democratic president and it wouldn’t be fair to embarrass the Democrats. They are the party fighting for social justice, racial equality and redistribution of income. Not like the Republicans.
As for the death of Lois Lane Superman has said that “she brought it upon herself.”
Instead of wasting her time as a reporter she should have been at my side fighting for social justice. Besides she was starting to get on my nerves. She’s manic depressive you know. One time she disappeared for four days. She was found in a neighbors backyard. She had also knocked out her teeth and was talking about a rape attempt which was never verified. Look if I want to date a manic depressive making fake rape claims I’ll date Lena Dunham.
Superman has moved on from Lois Lane and is now dating popular singer Miley Cyrus.
“She is concerned about income inequality just like me. And well, she turns me on with her twerking. You could say the sex is passionate. Passionate and fueled by a common love of social justice of course.”