Can’t we all just get along?

The Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote pursued their blood feud to the death today as both were crushed by a semi, halting traffic in both directions during the height of rush hour.

“It was a mess” said a highway patrolman.

It was a wet, pulpy mess scattered along the highway for miles. Naturally for safety’s sake we had to shut down the road. Animal pulp can be pretty slick and we didn’t want anyone injured. Well I should say anyone else to get injured. The Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote were injured. Injured into a wet, slimy, smelly, pulpy mess. I don’t envy the truck driver. Washing a wet, slimy, smelly, disgusting pulpy mess from one’s undercarriage can’t be fun.

Many are asking why the state didn’t do more to protect the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote (both endangered species) from being run over.

“Look we have limited resources” said a spokesman for the governor.

We have known for a long time that both of them had a blood feud that was spilling out onto our highways. But we just can’t pull state troopers off their regular assignments to protect these two. There are real crimes being committed in this state. People are collecting rainwater on their properties. We have to hunt these people down and arrest them. There are people expressing nationalist sentiments. Again we have to arrest them. Also there are people who don’t know which restroom to use. It can be confusing with 31 genders I know. We have to help these people. With all this going on do you expect us to help a road runner and a coyote?

As to why the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote engaged in a blood feud that resulted in their slimy, pulpy deaths, opinions vary. Many believe it was political.  The Road Runner was a libertarian while Wile E. Coyote was a Democrat who believe in the power of the state.

Some believe the feud was the result of unresolved sexual tension between the two.

“Who could resist the Road Runner and his lithe body and strong powerful legs” said an acquaintance of Wile E. Coyote.

He had pictures of the Road Runner all over his house. Occasionally he would say how much he admired how the Road Runner kept himself in shapes and that he liked to watch him run. I once caught him pleasuring himself while moaning “Oh Road Runner!” Who could resist the Road Runner? It’s enough to tempt even the most heterosexual of coyotes.

The driver of the 18 wheeler that ran over the duo is suing the state.

“Not only was I fined by my boss for being late on my run but do you know how much it costs to get rid of wet, pulpy, slimy, disgusting, foul smelling inside out animals from your undercarriage? Well it costs plenty. And they never got the smell out. And trust me you don’t want to go on a 36 hour road trip smelling nothing but wet, pulpy, slimy foul smelling inside out animals. It smells worse than liver.”

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