What if Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings Blake Had Been President on December 7th, 1941?

A date that the white man considers infamous

A date that the white man considers infamous

One of the things I like to do here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ is freebase speculate on what might have happened if history had been different.  And so I take my readers to December 8th, 1941.  America had been attacked the day before by Japan.  President Stephanie Rawlings Blake addresses congress and calms a jittery nation.

Mr. Vice President, Mr. Speaker, members of the Senate and the House of Representatives:

Yesterday, December 7th, 1941 – a date much like any other day where white people, clinging to religion attended services to their white god – the United States of America was brought down a peg by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.  Naval and air forces that have a legitimate historical grievance against the former slave-holding United States.

The United States was at peace with that nation.  I don’t know how.  Perhaps we forgot to attack it like we do other nations.

Indeed, one hour after Japanese air squadrons had commenced their righteous bombing in the American island of Oahu, the Japanese Ambassador to the United States and his colleague delivered to our Secretary of State a formal reply to a recent American message. No doubt a belligerent American message that disrespected an indigenous peoples like the Japanese. And, while this reply stated that it seemed useless to continue the existing diplomatic negotiations, it contained no threat or hint of war or of armed attack.  The white man is harping on the fact that this reply was delivered an hour after the bombing.  But isn’t that like the white man?  So obsessed with time.  It’s the white man’s privilege.  We peoples of color, like the Japanese, do not follow this artificial segmentation of time into minutes, seconds and hours.

The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian Islands has caused severe damage to the American naval and military war machine.  Very many American lives have been lost. But it’s their own fault, really.

Regrettably the Constitution makes me Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy.  As such I have directed that all measures be taken to allow Japanese, who wish to destroy, space to destroy.

It’s a very delicate balancing act. Because while we try to make sure that Americans were protected from the bombs and other things that were going on, we also gave my Japanese brothers who wished to destroy space to do that as well. And we worked very hard to keep that balance and to put ourselves in the best position to de-escalate.

Hostilities regrettably exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory and our interests need to humble ourselves and apologize to the Japanese.

With confidence in the Crips and the Bloods, with the unbounding determination of our public servants in the federal government, we will gain the inevitable humility.

I ask that the Congress declare that since the defensive attack by Japan on Sunday, December 7th, 1941, for hereafter the anniversary of December 7th be remembered as a day of penance.  Volunteer for something.  Plant a tree.  Write the Japanese and assure them of your friendship.

That is all.

Well I for one cannot tell any difference between that speech and the one Roosevelt delivered.



5 Responses

  1. She must be a Black Panther Party member. Black Panthers have “feelings”, don’t you know?

  2. petermc3 says:

    While Sepuka was originally intended as an honorable way out for samurai only, the honorable President Rawlings has received permission from the generous General Tojo to allow all white american males to spill their own guts.

  3. Bob Agard says:

    You have come back stronger than ever!

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