Daniel Boone TV Show to be Rebooted for 21st Century Audience

Daniel Boone on TV in the 1960s.  Obviously too patriarchal for modern audiences

Daniel Boone on TV in the 1960s. Obviously too patriarchal for modern audiences

The Daniel Boone show, one of the more popular TV shows from the 1960s is returning to television.

“We are pleased to bring the Daniel Boone name into the 21st century” read the statement.

The original TV show starring Fess Parker was and still remains very popular.  As such we will be bringing him back to prime time.  We will update the character slightly while still respecting him.

In the 1960s incarnation Boone was a “trailblazer” who carved through the Kentucky wilderness assisted by his loyal sidekick the native American, Mingo.

Network executives, concerned that this would be offensive to modern audiences are planning a few minor changes to the format.

“First off we can all agree he was not environmentally friendly” said a source in the network.

He was chopping down native, virginal forest so the white colonizers could continue their genocide against the native Americans. His “sidekick” was probably a slave he bought at an auction. And the guns!  Always he carried gun with him.  Why?  This is obviously not someone we can relate too.  In fact his backwardness and racism is embarrassing.

In the new reboot Daniel Boone will not be a pathfinder.  Instead he will be an environmental lawyer and an activist. The native American Mingo will be transformed into Boone’s “domestic partner” as Kentucky in the 18th century did not recognize gay marriage.

In the pilot entitled, “All Love is Equal” Boone goes before the Kentucky Supreme Court to argue for gay marriage.

“It’s a matter of social justice” Boone tells the judges in an emotional speech that brings them to tears and makes them rule in his favor.  He then marries Mingo and kisses him on the courthouse steps.  His moment of triumph is cut short however when a right-wing homophobic gun nut shoots Mingo dead.  Boone cradles his dying lover in his arms and vows to dedicate the rest of his life to the cause of gun control in America.

As God, or the spirit, because I’m more spiritual than religious, is my witness, I will not stop until all guns are removed from private citizens!

In subsequent episodes Boone fights to establish a colony for Muslims against local opposition, builds a wind farm, patents a plan to harvest solar power, fights bullying and dismantles a local patriarchy that is denying women their equality.

Even the lyrics to theme song have been changed to reflect Boone’s new modern personality.

Daniel Boone was a metrosexual. Yes a big metrosexual.
And he was comfortable in his sexuality and hated patriarchy too.
Daniel Boone was a metrosexual. Yes a big metrosexual.
He was lawyer and an activist, he was fearless and he loved to hug mighty oak trees. From the coonskin cap on the top of ol Dan to the heel of his rawhide shoe
The most sensitive in touch with his feelings man the frontier ever knew. Daniel Boone was a metrosexual. Yes a big metrosexual.
And he fought America to force equality upon all.


“We will be bringing back the Daniel Boone America knows and loves.  Only we will changing everything” declared a proud executive.

The new series will debut in May.


2 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    The new and improved Boone will wear a rustic or undignified person cap backwards with the tail resembling a wooly penis slapping against his nose. NAMBLA has approved this for wear by their underaged members.

  2. So, Eric Holder has a job to go to. How nice for him!

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