Battling Democratic Extremism Through Arts and Crafts

With a little love, and arts and crafts, these Democrats can be released into society

With a little love, and arts and crafts, these Democrats can be released into society

The United States is reforming Democratic extremists by showering them with attention, providing therapy and offering arts and crafts classes.

At the George Clooney Center for Advice, Counseling and Care off Hollywood Boulevard available seats for painting sessions are gone weeks in advance.

A painting by one patient, a former Democratic extremist shows a peaceful, rural setting of trees and a stream flowing by.

“This guy once believed in redistribution of wealth, abortion on demand and global warming” said one of the center’s counselors.

He must have realized how stupid he sounded calling for raising taxes.  This is a man, a millionaire several times over who called rich people evil.  He used to fly in his private jet to Sweden every year to attend global warming conferences.  I think he finally broke down and realized how empty his life was. The painting helps him express himself and ease his pain.  I think we’re on the verge of a breakthrough.  Why just the other day he asked why his taxes are so high.

This patient, like all at the center, are part of a ground-breaking attempt to rehabilitate and release into the general population former Democratic extremists.  The program has met with mixed success.

“We are optimistic we can help most of them” said the Center’s Director of Democratic Outreach.

They are dangerous people.  But we invest the time and energy into them. Many of these Democrats come from broken homes and have never had anyone pay attention to them.  We shower them in affection and love.  And antidepressants. 

When asked the recidivism rate of these former activists the director could only give an estimate.

Naturally not all will be success stories.  Some go back to their old way of life. They go back to their mansions and gated communities and start living the old lifestyle, insulated from the consequences of their actions.  I’d say that maybe 15 percent to 20 percent go back to being Democratic extremists.  Regrettable yes. But let’s think of the 80 percent we have saved from such a life.

The key to a successful conversion from the Democratic extremist lifestyle is changing old habits.

It’s not enough for them to be clean while they are here. Once they are back on the street and we cannot control them they have to avoid places that might lead them to extremism.  We counsel them to avoid coffee houses, brie and kale. We put them on a meat diet. We ask them not to watch Lifetime or any female-oriented cable channels. Most take our advice.

At the heart of the center is the attempt to raise the extremists sense of self-worth.

Many become extremists because they have nothing else.  And being an extremist makes them feel like a good person.  But it’s a false sense of self-worth. We try to make them realize they are worth something to society. And then we make them go cold turkey.  No cappuccinos. No espressos. Some go insane. 

The final word must be one former Democratic extremist and current patient.  During a group therapy session he expressed hopes to one day be “normalized” into society.

“I’m looking forward to getting out and getting a job.  Maybe buy an SUV to replace my Prius.  I might even move to a state with a lower tax rate!”


4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    You failed to mention the swimming lessons provided at the Ted Kennedy Pool and Center for Aquatic expression free to all young rehabing democrat young ladies.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Unfortunately a car crashed into the swimming pool and landed on its side. So the pool is off limits for now.

  2. I love fairy tales. Thanks, Infidel!

  3. LSP says:

    Look here, Infidel. This is ridiculous. Everyone knows that higher taxes make us richer and the hotter it is the colder it gets.

    I do not need therapy.

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