Pope Francis to Issue Encyclical on Global Warming I mean Climate Change

We must give all power to the govermment

We must give all power to the govermment

Pope Francis, perhaps the biggest idol in the world today, has announced that he will be issuing an encyclical on global warming climate change due out in the Spring in time for the global warming climate change summit in France.

“Our holy father is very progressive” said the Cardinal Secretary of State Pietro Parolin.

He feels very deeply on this issue. The science is settled on this. Climate change is from the Devil, or America. Or Protestants.  I forget which.  But whomever created it, it is evil. This is just the first of the Holy Father’s encyclical’s that he wishes to write on modern topics.  His next one will about fairy dust and moon beams.  And the one after that will condemn the producers of Bewitched for replacing Dick York. The Holy Father feels very strongly that Dick Sargent was not a good choice. Leonard Nimoy or Jack Lemmon perhaps would have been better.

Naturally word that the Pope was going to condemn global warming climate change has the mainstream media very excited.

“I’m not Catholic” declared Vox founder Ezra Klein.

I really don’t know much about Catholicism other than Pius XII was pro-holocaust.  I don’t know what an encyclical is either.  But if Pope Francis is going to write about climate change then this is the most important event in church history since John XXIII declared that God doesn’t exist. I love this Pope!

CNN host Anderson Cooper hopes that this is the first step in making the church more liberal and tolerant.

He’s writing about an important social issue.  This proves he is compassionate. He is pro gay marriage.  This again proves how compassionate he is. He wants governments to have greater power to control all human activity.  Being from South America he knows how compassionate socialism is.  He’s just like me.  Gay, compassionate and anti Sarah Palin. I hear he is even going to make Al Gore the Vice Pope.

From Washington, President Obama praised the Pope’s encyclical.

I haven’t read it yet but I hear the Pope will be writing about everything I have been trying to do in my presidency.  I am honored to have the Pope on my side. I know he opposes the Keystone Pipeline, coal and 100 watt light bulbs.

Inside the Vatican where the Pope was meeting with reporters he was asked about his proposed encyclical.

If the governments of the world want to get together to ban internal combustion engines, travel and 100 watt light bulbs who am I to judge?  Oh, and Dick Sargent burns in hell.  That’s an ex cathedra statement mother*ckers!

Hollywood superstar Leonardo DiCaprio has already bought the screen rights to the encyclical.  The movie, entitled “Republicans Destroy Earth” will begin filming in September.


2 Responses

  1. Apocalypse is coming. The Last Hope Pope is trapped in socialist purgatory.

  2. grayjohn says:

    Up yours, your holiness.

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