Kanye West To Become a Woman; Plans to Document Transition on TV

George Bush don't care about lactating!

I always felt like a female rapper in a male rapper’s body.

Controversial rap superstar and husband of Kim Kardashian ended months of speculation today by announcing that he is in the process of transitioning to life as a woman.

West’s changing appearance has been a source of much tabloid speculation in recent months. A source close to the Kardashian’s told People Magazine that “Kanye is transitioning.”

We are all very happy for him. Kanye was in a very dark place before but now he’s finally accepting and happy. He’s in a great space.

Kanye’s first step towards becoming a fully functioning woman took place last year when he had a procedure known as a “Laryngal Shave” to smooth out his Adam’s apple.

Kanye is now far along in the process and has taken hormones to help grow breasts.

I remember when his breasts first appeared. He was so excited. Like a school boy almost!  And when he started lactating he was over the moon. I remember him telling me, “George Bush don’t care about lactating!”

People Magazine reports that most of the Kardashian’s are on board with the change, the only holdout being Kanye’s wife Kim.

She was a more than a little freaked out to but it mildly. She started running around the house and shouting “My husband is going to cut his penis off!” She was really upset over the possibility that when Kanye becomes a woman he might be prettier than her.

Kim was also worried that their sex life might be affected by Kanye’s decision.

She had to sit down with Kanye and talk about her fears. Kanye told her that he enjoys sex with women, has always enjoyed sex with women and will continue in the future to enjoy sex with women.  Only now he will be doing it as a woman. Kim was only slightly pacified by this.  “If I wanted to be a lesbian I’d join the WNBA or become a woman’s soccer player” she said.

Kanye’s decision to become a woman has also created tension with family patriarch Bruce Jenner, who is himself going through a transition to living as a woman.

Kanye is very competitive.  When Bruce announced he was becoming a woman Kanye was pretty upset that he didn’t think of doing it first.  Things have been very tense between the two since Kanye announced he was also transitioning.  Bruce thinks Kanye is trying to “out-transition” him and might get better ratings on his reality show. Yesterday they showed up at a party wearing the same clothes and, well, you can guess what happened next. They started clawing at each other.  Then Kanye ripped Bruce’s blouse off and laughed at him and said, “My breasts are larger than yours.”  We had to separate them.

Kanye for his part feels that Bruce is just psychologically disturbed while he is doing the transition for noble motives.

“Black transsexuals lack the access white transsexuals do.”

Kanye’s reality TV show, “Becoming a Woman, Bitch!” will debut in April on Lifetime.


5 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Do these two meatheads understand sans peni (plural of penis) they will be unable to Wang Chung tonight?

  2. Maybe he fantasises about being Michelle Obama and being able to boss around the President of the United States.

  3. LL says:

    I think that will be a must-watch show, and wife, Kim will be unhappy when Ms. Kanai’s ratings are higher than hers are. Since Kanai was born a hermaphrodite, his transition to womanhood shouldn’t be all that traumatic…or are they going to do a tuck and roll on the bitch? I’m not a surgeon. Definitely must-see TV.

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